Google
 
Web FiyaStarter.com
l

current issues and such
do you really need an explaination?
everything else we come up with

-

I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.

-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.


Comments on content?

email us

Wanna submit something?
*read this page


That 'CISM is a trip ain't it?
:)

You have no idea...but you soon will.



Dates: October 2, 1800 thru Present
Coordinates: 37:02N 26:17W

Theoretical inquiry:
What if Nat Turner had been the most unwavering Uncle Tom ever born?

The 'CISM Machine records the following note-worthy events...

1800

October 2, 1800 - Nat Turner was born into slavery with a warm smile on his face. He was described by the doctor as "the most obedient" newborn he'd ever seen. 

1815

June 10, 1815 - Young Nat overhears a group of angry slaves plotting a revolt, specifically plans to murder the Turner family. He warns Master Turner of this plot and the slaves are promptly executed. Master Turner, awestruck by Nat's loyalty to him, promises young Nat that "You will never be treated like the others while I have breath in me. I trust you like no other." 

1818

April 5, 1818 - Mrs. Turner, no longer able to control her carnal lust for the powerfully built and handsome slave, commands Nat to accompany her to the woods while she gathers berries. Nat obliges. However, as her hand fondles his genitals, Nat senses that he has been lured to the woods under false pretense. He runs away and tells Master Turner every detail of what happened. Soon after, Mrs. Turner, sobbing uncontrollably describes to her husband how Nat attempted to brutally rape her.  Without hesitation, an infuriated Master Turner calls his wife a liar and strangles her to death. He would later thank Nat for confirming his suspicions that his wife had been having sex with his slaves.

1831

February 12, 1831 - Nat and Master Turner sit on the porch and watch a magnificent annular solar eclipse. "Da sky sho' look funny, don't it Boss? God must be makin' plans," Nat remarks. Master Turner sits quietly and appears dazed, not hearing a word Nat has just said.

August 13, 1831 - Nat and Master Turner again sit on the porch and watch as the sun appears to turn an odd bluish-green color. "Boss, what's wrong wit da sun?" asks Nat. With tears in his eyes, Master Turner turns to Nat and answers, "That is God, Nat...telling us what must be done." Later that day, Master Turner gathers every slave he owns and apologizes to them with a degree of sincerity rarely seen from a white man, declaring them all to be free. Nat is horrified.

August 30, 1831 - Nat's horror worsens as he listens to Master Turner, newly freed slaves and prominent abolitionists from several surrounding states make sophisticated plans to carry out a multi-state campaign of freeing slaves and murdering slave-owning families. Incapable of participating in such anti-Christian behavior, Nat confides in Master Turner, telling him that he likes being a slave and that blacks should only be free in Heaven. With great sadness, Master Turner explains to Nat that everything he has been taught is a lie. Over the next three hours, he informs Nat of the true history of the Asiatic Black Man, Supreme Ruler of The Universe and The Original Man. "Whites are a mere genetic mutation of the dominant black gene, as are all races. We are all from the same seed, Nat. I am no better than you. You deserve freedom as much as any white man." Nat is in shock. His anger swells. With every ounce of courage in his body, he looks Master Turner in his eyes and says "Boss, you don' gon' crazy! I'm goin' ta tell da Sheriff!" As Nat explodes from the house, on his way to warn the authorities, Master Turner yells from the porch, "Catch that goddamned Tom!" After finding the remains of a white man who was obviously hacked up by Nat and his massive knife, a group of newly freed slaves give chase and return Nat to the plantation, where he is hanged. Master Turner could only shake his head in disgust, as Nat with his final breath warned "Da Lawd gon' stop ya! Blacks ain't neva gon' be free 'til they get ta Heaven! Neva!"

August 31, 1831 - The massive revolt begins with Master Turner killing his older children, as they are too indoctrinated in White Supremacy to nothing more than a hindrance to God's will.

August 31, 1831 - March 30, 1833 - Within the first year of The Great Revolt, Master Turner and his followers executed their plan so perfectly, killing so many slave-owning families and freeing such an enormous number of slaves, that by 1833 they were the largest state in the South, fully controlling The Virginias, The Carolinas, Kentucky and Tennessee.  

1861

April 12, 1861 - After decades of trying to accept blacks as equals, white resentment reaches its climax as disgraced Fmr. Gen. Pierre Beauregaard leads a poorly planned attack on Fort Sumpter in South Carolina. He and his co-conspirators are killed within hours. Vice President Abraham Lincoln condemns it as "an act of unimaginable cowardice, committed by those who are unable to exist in our more perfect Union."  President Frederick Douglass echoed the sentiment, stating "Let this serve as a reminder of what we once were and what we never again shall be."

1990

March 17, 1990 - Denzel Washington wins Best Actor at the Academy Awards for his portrayal of Nat Turner directed by Spike Lee. During Washington’s acceptance speech he thanks Clarence Thomas for his generous donation that helped sustain the depleting budget for the movie in its final month of filming.

 

*For the true story of Nat Turner's life, click HERE and scroll to the bottom.

FIYA NBA Ranks: #9

FIYA NFL Playoff Preview

FIYA NBA Ranks: #8

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 16

FIYA NBA Ranks: #7

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week #15

FIYA NBA Ranks: #6

Movie Review: The Day the
Earth Stood Still


FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 14

Movie Review: Punisher: War Zone

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 13

FIYA NBA Ranks: #5

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 12

FIYA NBA Ranks: #4

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 11

Movie Review: Quantum Solace

FIYA NBA Ranks: #3

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 10

FIYA NBA Ranks: #2

FIYA NBA Ranks: #1

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 9

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 8

FIYA 2008 NBA Preview

Movie Review: Pride and Glory

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 7

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 6

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 5

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 4

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 3

Movie Review: Righteous Kill

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 2

Movie Review: The Family That Preys

FIYA NFL Ranks: Week 1

Movie Review: Bangkok Dangerous

Movie Review: Traitor

Movie Review: Babylon A.D.

Big Earl: GET OUT THE WAY!

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

Movie Review: Hancock

Album Review: Nas - Untitled

Fiya Blogging the 2008 NBA Draft

Fiya BBall Prospects v.3

Movie Review: The Incredible Hulk

Movie Review: The Happening

Hollywood's Go-To Moves

Movie Review: Sex and the City

Album Review: Lil Wayne - Carter 3

Movie Review: Indiana Jones 4

Movie Review: Iron Man

Top 20 UNC Fake Thugs

Movie Review: 21

Movie Review: Vantage Point

Lent Sacrifices

Movie Review: Jumper

Movie Review: Rambo

Movie Review: Cloverfield

The All-Teen Wolf Team

Movie Review: The Great Debaters

Movie Review There Will Be Blood

The 'Cism Files: That Mitch Report

Movie Review: This Christmas


Music Review: Jay-Z - Amer. Gangster

If That Was A Nigga, Awards #4

Movie Review: American Gangster

Music Review: Little Brother - GetBack

Movie Review: The Bourne Ultimatum

Big Earl: Shocks and Bonds

Music Review: Common-Finding Forever

2-4-1 Hip-Hop: T.I. & Pharaohe Monch

The 5 Great Athletes

Most Inarticulate Athletes

20 Corniest Duke Players

Time 4 Women To Man Up In Hip-Hop

Hollywood's All Good Face Team

THE Hollywood Casting List

Music Review: Nas - Hip-Hop Is Dead

Ether: First Memories

ETHER DAY Celebration '05

Farrakhan Speaks on Nas and Jay

11 Black Moments In Wrestling, Part 2

11 Black Moments In Wrestling, Part 1

Shortest Books Ever...Vol.1

Top 10 NBA Projected Ejections

A Few More Words Niggas Botch

ELS: R&B '06 Roundup

A Few Words Niggas Botch

‘Cism Files: Sports "Code Words"

Who's Got Next, in Rap? Part 1


Top 20 African-American Leaders

Top 10 Interracial Relationships

Them 'Formers: DL Phenomenon

Mike Jax Women Top 10

Top 20 Moments In Hip Hop, Pt.2

Top 20 Moments in Hip-Hop, Pt.1

"Man, if that was a nigga..." Award #1

Top 10 Coons in Hollywood

Top 10 Hip-Hop Producers, #1


Top 10 Hip-Hop Producers, #2


Top 10 Niggas in Sports, Today

the JOE BUDDEN theory, part 3

the JOE BUDDEN theory, part 2

the JOE BUDDEN theory, part 1

Chappelle Theory, REJECTED!

14 Best Dunkers in the World

got lost? go home FiyaStarter sections, here you really wanna know? Fiya forums are hot! get @ us before you ask, READ
 

l Home l About Us l Contact Us l Faq l

©FiyaStarter 2009
Disclaimer:
Many of the features and stories on FiyaStarter.com are satire. For those of you
who are sensitive go ahead and take everything as such. That will save us all time.

 

 
I'll take you home