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"Man, if that was a Nigga..."
Winners of the "Man, if that was a Nigga..." Award for the week ending 9/24/06:
Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, almost blew up the Fox News network’s censors, last week when, during an appearance in Harlem, no less, he called President Bush “an alcoholic and sick man.” Chavez is a minority by this country’s standards, but just to show you just how thin the line is in terms of being looked down on, even more because you’re black in comparison to brown just look how they’re trying to heat Danny Glover’s old creaky ass up for simply being there with a red shirt on. (Also, look at how this white lady puts the brother on the spot, like he keeps Danny’s damn schedule.) Chavez said his piece and left to get him some cheese cake from Juniors, but, Man, if that was a nigga, they woulda shot his ass up on the spot like he was Malcolm. Danny better watch his back, they’re already on his tail because he did those movies with Mel Gibson. My brother is gonna mess around and wind up vanished like that senator’s wife on TV, I tell ya.
“Saturday, September 23, 2006: In a prime time college football match up, the Notre Dame Fighting Irish defeated the Michigan State Spartans, 40-37.” That’s what the history books will read. Any breathing person that saw the game will pen it something like, “That cracker coach fucked up them young boys future, damn he it fucked up!” And that as the kids say, is “Real.” Did you see that game? Now, I didn’t even care about no damn Michigan State. I had just finished watching my pre recorded episode of Without a Trace from last week, when I was flipping through stations and found State putting footall in the ass of the team that fired my man Ty Willingham. It was enjoyable, that is until John L. Fucking Smith called the worst fourth quarter of football since Andy Reid and the Philadelphia Eagles, last week. They were up like 17 and lost! “We couldn’t finish,” he said. Man, if that was a nigga, with an excuse like that after such a meltdown, he woulda gotten kidnapped, shipped to Singapore, then framed for stealing so they could chop his hands off. That way we’d never see him hold a clipboard on a sideline again. In other words, he would’ve gotten fired…like Ty.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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Because he doesn’t want to perpetuate violence and give young kids the wrong impression any more or something asinine, crater face decided to mark Fearless, which just premiered in theaters last week, as his last feature film where he kicks endless ass using Kung-Fu (apparently, he'll still do um, action movies???). Never mind his dumb ass agent for supporting the move, but, Man if that was a nigga, could you imagine him pulling something this blatant…and getting away with it? Really, could you see Michael Jai White walking his big ass up in Paramount Studios with or without that Jew, Ari Gold and not being told to “Get the fuck outta here,” after he requested to play opposite Jennifer Aniston in the next big romantic comedy or Julie Roberts in her next scheduled pound cake and milk love story? Please. They’d tell White to take his usual suspect profile looking ass up off their property before they call Michael Clark Duncan to throw him off. Where does Jet get off thinking he can do something besides the thing he’s been doing since Jackie Chan was 35? DMX even said that guy was on crack for pulling this. Oh well, I was starting to like Tony Jaa better anyway.