FiyaStarter.com - In The Dining Room With Big Earl

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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No this isn’t a formal gathering, it's rambling with America’s resident angry black man, Big Earl at his dining room table where he watches sports on his 13-inch TV and reflects on life. Grab a chair and listen up as Earl pulls back the memories of days past almost as feverishly as he pulls back on his lit menthol of choice, all the while reflecting on today's events. You’re now in the dining room and Earl is speaking from the big chair.

"Man, if that was a nigga..."
by: Big Earl, for Social/General

"Man, if that was a Nigga..."

Nine of 10 black people will tell you that the above sentiment is the most concrete evidence of the racist double-standard African-Americans have faced throughout their history. It is entirely based upon the notion (read: fact) that the dumb shit done by white people would be seen as an unpardonable sin if done by a black person. If Will left Jada for Halle and got her pregnant and started adopting kids from Africa and shit, that nigga might as well call it a wrap. White people will not go see that dude's movies anymore. He'll be starring with Morris Chesnutt in a buddy cop comedy, which pretty much signifies the end of the road for a young black actor. But, Brad Pitt can do shit like that. He can fuck a Martian and adopt a baby from Jupiter and white people will eat it up with a spoon and make lil' t-shirts about it. If Will Smith fucked a bitch from Mars...please. A nigga can barely fuck a female Earthling without getting hate, so you can imagine what's going to happen if he poked a chick from Mars.

Winners of the "Man, if that was a Nigga..." Award for the week ending 4/14/07:

Don Imus

Let me start by saying, I’ve been a listener of Imus In The Morning for years on end. He’s always been over the top, especially with my boy Bill Clinton, during the 90’s. I’ve dealt with it because there was usually something redeeming---or at least funny, in his commentaries. Needless to say, he’s gone too far, this time. By now we’ve seen or heard the clip of MSNBC Imus and his verbal assault on the Rutgers Women’s basketball team. “Nappy-headed hoes,” was the phrase, I believe. Earl don’t know about you, but my first reaction was weird. I wanted to concentrate on the slur, but I was so damn distracted by those bushy ass eyebrows, I just couldn’t. You wanna talk about nappy, those eyebrows need some relaxer way more than those gals. They look like Fred Goldman’s mustache minus the thoughtful grooming. As a result of the blatant racial remarks, Imus gets a two week suspension. Wow. Man, if that was a nigga, he would’ve gotten fired before the seven second delay reached MSNBC along with his sidekick, writer and interns. And Al Sharpton would have gotten canned for just suggesting to his program director that he have the nigga on his show to even discuss it. I’m not stretching the truth at all on this one, people. Imagine if Tavis Smiley went on PBS and called Pat Summitt a stringy haired cave bitch…Please, he’d be in Tarantino's trunk with Chris Tucker, right now.

Kurt Snibbe

Amidst the Imus whirlwind that had taken off and become an F4 tornado in a few hours, I turned to one of my favorite places on ESPN.com, their Page 2 columns and damn if the first commentary isn’t about, guess who? Surprisingly, I instantly forget about bushy-brows, as a cartoon, on the very page no less, completely catches me off guard. I’ll just let you take a look at it before I comment any further.

*Note: We can't currently find this on their site, but luckily we know how to 'right click.'

Man, if that was a nigga that drew that shit, the black community would disown him and burn his momma’s house down with flammable rags inside milk bottles. Question: How much blatant shit can you find in this Nazi version of a Where’s Waldo pictorial? Here’s what I have so far, in the classic depiction of good versus evil (*read: white v. black)

White superhero complete with square jaw and perfect teeth
Negro villain with disproportionate size of head compared to his body
Villain’s exaggerated eyes bulging and tongue waving in minstrel like fashion
Red star above the puzzling blue & white tiger resembling a patriotic flag
Devilish crimson and black apparel of the rogue beneath the “real” tiger (we know)
Careful placement of the title “Masters” above the mauling
Helpless black man separated from his name brands
A guy smaller than Tiger suddenly a hulking figure, while Woods is now a frail pole
Tiger’s skin two shades darker than Ben Vereen’s as 'Chicken' George in Roots
OJ’s glove

You see, you can go to war with Imus and cry about his “punishment” all you like, and you would be justified, but this drawing is the shit I’m more concerned with in the world, today. Imus just said something off the top of his head. Whether he really feels that way or not, I don’t give a KFC/Taco Bell’s rat’s ass. This Snibbe guy sat down and drew this picture, then had to have it approved by some type of editor that probably handed it off to someone else before it went up, on a Disney owned site. Just perfect.