Pigskins
and Presidents
by: Big Earl, for Sports
Can I just
tell you how much I hate Peyton Manning?
I kinda like that Brady kid, though. I ain’t just yet ready
to give him no damn black pass, but he puts the team first. We
must all respect that, for that is what sports is all about. Well,
at least it was back in my day.
Finally, another black QB in the Super Bowl, I’m so happy.
Now if we can just win another one, but I’m not getting
my hopes up too high. I got my pressure to worry about.
Speaking of Doug Williams, when can he get a damn job? I’m
tired of seeing him warm up the field every year for them damn
bands to act a damn fool on. Are you trying to tell me he could
do a worse job than Fred Flintstone up in Minnesota?
Speaking of rock head, can I tell you how much I hate Mike Tice?
His players don’t even respect him. How can you go out and
coach players that don’t respect you? Sometimes I want to
take that pencil from behind his ear and just stab him in the
eye with it for being a dumb caveman.
Hey, can somebody help me out, I’ve missed the first couple
of episodes of that 24 this year. That Jack Black is
a bad boy, but I want to know what happened to President Palmer.
That mofo had integrity out of the ass. I wish he was the real
President.
Speaking of the President, can I tell you how much I hate George
Bush? He cheated and I’m still mad.
Know what else I’m mad about? Randy Moss. I know its old
now, but 10 grand for pretending to be crude? You’ve gotta
be fucking kidding me. Let me tell you a story, my old friend
Gus, who owns a used auto lot off of Marlboro Pike in Maryland,
told me. He can get you a good deal on a F-1 series if you’re
interested, btw. Well, Gus is a burly man and back in the 70’s
a few Redskin offensive linemen caught the flu and the team signed
him to a two-week contract. They played the Rams and the “Fearsome
Foursome” that first week. Do you know that Gus missed his
block on Merlin Olson and after he slaughtered Sammy Jurgensen,
Rosie Greer picked up the ball and scored? After he scored, no
Rosie didn’t pretend to moon the crowd, he ran over to the
Redskin sideline and screamed at top of his lungs; “I’m
gonna beat your women like I beat you sons of bitches on that
field, punch ‘em all in the stomach good… like this!”
He grabbed the kicker and punched him in the stomach, knocked
him out cold, repeating, “Your women, all of them!”
Gus didn’t even show up the next week against the Packers…
Rosie's punishment? Pshhhh, no damn penalty, no fine, no nothing,
the way it should be. Some damn fake moon, that league is fulla
sissys.
Ya know who else are some sissys? Men who let their women turn
their TV’s to that damn Desperate Housewives on Sundays.
I guess it’s ok now, since there’s nothing else on,
but only a month or two ago you had Sunday night football and
that HBO show, that there Wire. There’s no reason
for so many people to be tuned on them aroused white ladies with
quality programming only a click away. Now I don’t watch
a lot of cable besides my sports and Emeril, but my grandson
had that Wire on a few months ago and I admit, I was
skeptical, but I’ve been hooked ever since. That Bunny Colvin
is my kind of guy. I don’t agree with everything he does,
that’s an overstatement, but he’s stand up about what
he does. He was the same way in Ray. You gotta respect
him.
President Palmer should put Bunny on the ticket when he comes
back. He’d have to trash the name, though. We can’t
intimidate no foreign countries with a Bunny co-piloting.
