Fall
'05 - 1st Half Album Roundup
by: Malik Sinsear, for Entertainment
50
Cent - Get Rich Or Die Tryin' Soundtrack
Fiyaballs
Fiya
3 on the CD: I
Don't Know Officer f/…Ma$e, Window Shopper, Hustler’s
Ambition
A couple of months ago, in an interview, Curtis Jackson let off
one of his famous grins after telling some young-goofy cable VJ
that his new Soundtrack would be “crazy,” because
he took the best songs from his G-Unit artists solo projects and
put them on the Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ Soundtrack.
So when I first threw on 50’s 8-Mile Jr. Soundtrack,
of course I’m not buying what I remembered him saying because
the guy also said The Massacre was better than the original
Get Rich Or Die Tryin’ and that lie was bigger
than John Candy’s casket. What I was expecting was an album
with good beats and catchy hooks…you know, a G-Unit album.
I got neither. I’m still having a hard time believing this
product is a retail item released under Shady-Aftermath. Dr. Dre
must have been making S’mores for Eminem while this got
mastered and Fed-Ex’d to Jimmy Iovine. If this is indeed
the case, it would explain why neither Em or Dre are anywhere
on this lackluster CD. If you’ve heard Hustler’s
Ambition aka Lose Yourself’s younger brother
and the melodic Window Shopper, then you’ve heard
the best this record has to offer. When Death Becomes
you featuring M.O.P. is almost a good song, but it falls short
too. Truthfully, aside from the singles and Ma$e’s verse
that absolutely saves I Don’t Know Officer, this
is a very forgettable effort. I’ll Whip Ya Head Boy
contains the most unimaginative chorus in rap since Hammer was
winning Grammy’s. It really is bad, the only thing missing
is a Snoop cameo. Calling this piece of averageness "good"
would be “crazy.”
Lil'
Kim – The Naked Truth
(3 1/2)
Fiyaballs
Fiya
3 on the CD: Spell Check, Shut Up Bitch, Lighters
Up
Now I know what you’re thinking because I was thinking the
same thing, “Lil’ Kim? Five Mics? Get out of my
face with that shit.” But get this,The Naked Truth
about the album with the same name is that it’s damn close…well
for the most part. When Kim exclaims "I'm the same bitch
from the escalator," I admit to frowning, picturing
her expensive ass carved up body and face, but if you can just
block out the whole black Barbie thing (I know, but concentrate)
and just listen to this 
album,
she does a good job of convincing you she is. I know, what a fuckin’
blimp! But it’s true. If K-Solo had to take a lie detector
test he’d fail yet another one if he argued that Spell
Check wasn’t on point. Slim Thug probably wanted to
smack Pharell after he heard Shut Up Bitch aka I
Ain’t Heard Of That’s big brother. It’s
the same damn beat but on Barry Bonds’ undetectable steroid
cream. From the Damian Marley sharked Lighters Up, through
Slippin and Quiet featuring Game where he yet
again is not allowed to actually rap on a song he’s featured
on (what is that all about, anyway?), you start putting it all
together. Then Money Mike seals the deal with his hilarious skits
and bam, it’s a good fucking album. So the question remains,
does it get five? Fuck no, she’s a female rapper and and
Snoop is on the CD.
Bun
B - Trill
(3
1/2) Fiyaballs
Fiya
3 on the CD: Draped Up (remix) featuring H-Town
All Stars, The Story, Get Throwed featuring Pimp C, Jay-Z &
Young Jeezy
Whether it’s the new music seminar or Jack The Rapper conference,
wherever Hip-Hop is currently holding its orientation for up and
coming artists, someone needs to make it mandatory that every
aspiring MC listen to Bun B’s report on his experiences
in the industry entitled The Story off his new album,
Trill. U.G.K.’s senior lyricist basically sits you
down in his living room and tells you everything you’re
likely to encounter in the business from shady managers to handcuffing
contracts. It’s five minutes and fifty-five seconds of Hot
Fuckin’ Fiya. Trill
is an example of how much love and respect Bun B has garnered
over his career. The guest list of MC’s who show up is like
a who’s who in not only rap, but music, right now. From
Young Jeezy to Jay-Z to every rapper in the state of Texas to
Travis Barker from Blink 182, they all show up to show B support.
Though it works well for the most part as evidenced by Get
Throwed featuring Jigga and Jeezy and the Draped Up H-Town
All Star remix, it begins to feel crowded like the Astrodome
with busloads of Katrina victims being brought in by the hour
somewhere around time the Ying-Yang Twins and Too Short show up.
Jazzy Fat Ass Pha and Manny Fresh really have no business being
on this album either. I swear, if I hear another dumb repetitive
intro from either one of these guys, I’m going to rent a
van and tape as much C-4 to my body as possible and try my best
to blow Atlanta and New Orleans up. So aside from too many guest
appearances and two production blunders, this is a pretty good
CD. That’s The Story I’m sticking to.
Twista
– The Day After
Fiyaballs
Fiya
3 on the CD: When I Get You Home featuring Pharell
& Jamie Foxx, Check That Hoe, Lavish featuring Pharell
With the release of Kamikaze, Chicago rap veteran, Twista
finally did something almost every underrated rapper with stripes
but no plaque says he’s going to do on his upcoming record;
succeed. And while I applaud him for that, as I listen to his
follow up, The Day After, I can’t help but want
to pop Kamikaze or Adrenaline Rush in the changer
to see if this is the same guy. Don’t get me wrong, at first
glance Mr. Chi-town, pre-KanYe looked to keep it as true as possible
here; he threw Johnny P and The Speedknot Mobsters on a couple
tracks and started the album off on a fucking lyrical tirade.
"I just wanted them to see what my CD was like, Hip-Hop
is in a state as if it was a baby being murdered, I just wanna
feed it poetry-Pedialyte," he spits on Check That
Hoe. The problem here is that after he checks the aforementioned
hoe, he cashes that check and spends it on getting her feet and
hair did for the rest of the album. The save-a-hoe routine works
fine on When I Get You Home featuring Pharell and Jamie
Foxx (*read: next single) and Chocolate Fe’s and Redbones
featuring Johnny P, but Do Wrong featuring the verse
he clearly wrote for Lil’ Kim and Had To Call featuring
*sigh* Snoop are examples of where Twista just over does the feet
rubbing and you’re just hoping he decides to kill someone
and talk about it already. Lavish aka Allure Jr. (Jay-Z)
featuring lil Pharell is a nice medium for those who like the
heat spitting Twista and the ones who can stomach the other one
that inhabits the rest of this album. We could have used a bit
more of the guy on that song instead of the one that wants to
trade riffs with Trey Songz.
Christión
- Project Plato
Fiyaball
Fiya
3 on the CD: I've Grown, My Reason, Slow Motion
If you're old enough to remember Roc-A-Fella's first venture into
the realm of R&B, Christion's - Ghetto Cyrano and
you haven't heard the follow up, Project Plato, then
don't. Please don’t ruin your memory of them. Whereas their
first release was an underappreciated classic that you could confidently
pop into your Aiwa mini-system and assure yourself some ass with,
Plato will have that chick agitated by the lame “mood”
and your half ass game will have to be flawless. First of all
these aren’t even the same two rayon suited and booted pretty
boys. Allen Anthony jumped ship as he probably saw it crashing
into a glacier from The Day After Tomorrow, beforehand.
And even when the man with two first names shows up, his best
effort can’t even make things “Alright”
again…ehhhhhhh? It’s a damn shame too, because Plato
follows the same format as Cyrano with the chapters made
to flow into some sort of 70’s blaxploitation movie. Unfortunately
the movie is staring Vivica Fox and her tired ass attempt’s
at urban monologue. “Where Ya Girlfriend?”
the slick ass mulatto’s ask…negroes please.
Paul
Wall - The Peoples Champ
Fiyaballs
Fiya
3 on the CD: They Don't Know featuring Bun B,
Drive Slow featuring Kanye West and GLC, Sippin' The Barre
Let's see
what we got here;
| Neck
on froze |
check |
| Drippin’
candy paint |
check |
| Drank
to sip and tip off |
check |
| Hoes |
check |
| Mouth
on froze |
check |
| Michael
Watts |
check |
| Exposin'
haters |
check |
| Texas,
preferably a poor Ward in Houston |
check |
| R.I.P.
DJ Screw |
check |
| More
ice, paint & hoes in that poor Houston Ward |
check |
Ok, repeat
this 17 times, then screw it 17 more times and wallah, you’ve
got yourself a Paul Wall Album.
