FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

(3½) Fiyaballs

Movie Review

Batman Begins
Christian Bale's Out Batman Franchise (NOPE!)
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

I didn't think the Batman franchise would recover from what George Clooney did to it with 1997's Batman and Robin. To date, that thing remains the worst comic book movie ever created. Ben and Jennifer Aflleck have made better comic book movies. Ang Lee has made a better comic book movie and he's Chinese (of course it has nothing to do with anything...that's what makes it fucked up). What pisses me off most about that film's failure is that Clooney was able to walk away from the debacle unharmed and able to prosper, while the once bright careers of his young co-stars, Alicia Silverstone and Chris O'Donnell, have faded before our very eyes. The Bachelor, Vertical Limit, Miss Match, Beauty Shop...these pieces of shit are all Clooney's fault. O'Donnell and Silverstone deserve better. If Clooney made 15 Solarises and 15 One Fine Days, it would not make up for ruining two great young talents and almost ruining a billion dollar franchise.

All this leads me to my point. My point is that the best thing about Batman Begins is that George Clooney doesn't have a thing to do with it. He wasn't even a grip. He didn't do craft services... nothing. Thank you, Jesus! Christian Bale dons the cape in this installment. As usual, he's a bit too intense for my liking, but it's okay. At least he's not George Clooney. If he were George Clooney, he'd have been smirking all the fucking time. I also could have done without Katie Holmes as the love interest. But, I'll even accept that. She's not George Clooney, after all.

This is the darkest of the Batman films. There is gloom all around. The sky is only clear over Wayne Manor and there's steam all over the damn place. What is the deal with the STEAM!?!? The story of this film is also the most interesting of the series, because it tells us how and why Bruce Wayne became Batman. The story goes: when Bruce was around 10 or 12-years-old, he fell into a well in his backyard. He broke his arm. Hundreds of bats were in a cave and they all flew over Bruce and out of the well, leaving him there hysterical and traumatized. Little Bruce and bats just don't mix after that. His fear of bats becomes deadly one fateful night at the opera when he asks his parent to leave, as one of the characters too closely resembles an ugly rodent. Big mistake. His irrational fear of one of God's creatures cost his parents their lives, because if they hadn't left early they wouldn't have been mugged and murdered by some desperate guy in the alley behind the theater. Ugh! I cannot stand George Clooney! Then, Little Bruce can't take it anymore. He runs away...to the Orient...learns to become a master of martial arts...from...an IRISHMAN! Yeah, he learned how to become a ninja from Liam Neeson. I was offended. First Tom Cruise becomes a samauri and now Liam Neeson's a ninja? Yet, people are still bitching and moaning about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in Game of Death. 'Cism.

All in all, this movie is okay. Michael Keaton is still the best Batman. I'm kinda disappointed Joe Morton didn't get the role of Black Scientist Who Makes Deadly Weapons, but Morgan Freeman is Morgan Freeman. What can ya do?