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FiyaStarter RATING = 
Fiyaballs
The real "secret" about Jesus is one Dan Brown refused to address in his little book. Ya know, the part in the Bible about them brass feet and that hair like lamb's wool? MMMMMMMMMHUH! I'MMA TALK ABOUT IT! How Audrey Tatou gonna be descended from Jesus? I mean, she dark enough and all. But, if they wanted to stay true to the real Jesus, The Asiatic Good Times Jesus That J.J. Painted, they would have had N'Bushe Wright playing Sophie and Morgan Freeman would have been Sauniere. Then, they could've had Denzel as Robert Langdon. Now, that joint would've been that heat. I'd have seen that more times than I've seen What About Bob?, The Godfather, Baby Got Back 30, A Clockwork Orange and Trading Places combined. So, I'm writing this review from a French cyber-cafe'. I saw this movie in Paris. Do you know how outraged 90% of this Catholic city would have been had they had N'Bushe in this “holy” movie? Damn the peace and love Jesus taught. They would've burned this mother down. But, that's fine. I wish their miracle Jesus would return and show up lookin' like Samuel Jackson. What would they do then? I was about to stand up in the theater and scream "Jesus was Black!" but I'm pretty sure that's against the law. I may as well have yelled "Fire!" Anyway, Tom Hanks is gonna take a massive L on this one. I don't care how much money it makes, he looks stupid in this movie. His haircut is dumb. His expressions are lifeless. And he's the worst action actor I've ever seen. I didn't think someone not named Dwayne Schintzius could look so completely unathletic. He should give an Oscar back. Sorry to disappoint, but that’s it. For what it’s worth though, Paris is the greatest city on the planet...not named Washington, D.C.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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I don't understand what the big deal is about The Da Vinci
Code. Sane people across the world understand that Jesus
was a truly great man who had a tremendously positive impact
on the world, but he was, nonetheless, a man. There is only
one God and Jesus was his prophet, like Moses before him and
Mohammed after him. They were all "sons" of
the one true God, whatever you choose to call him. 