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FiyaStarter RATING =  FiyaballsMovie Review
The only person with more clutch saves over the last decade than Keanu Reeves is Mariano Rivera. The Day the Earth Stood Still, a vastly superior remake of the 1950s B-movie, is Dat ‘Nu’s greatest cinematic achievement. Everything about this film plays to his greatest strengths. As Klaatu, an alien being sent to destroy mankind before it completely destroys the Earth, Keanu is able to employ his natural stoicism, monotone speech and deadpan delivery. Moreover, he gets to save the world again. It’s the part he was born to play, and he gives the performance of a lifetime. In my opinion, the Oscar race for male lead is done. Of course he won’t get it, because of politics and all, but Denzel didn’t win for Malcolm X either. Keanu even sends ‘bliminals at the runner-up world-saver, Smith, by giving the Will’s son, Jaden, a job in his latest hit. Jaden plays Insolent Little Boy, the stepson of Jennifer Connelly’s Dr. Conveniently Hot Female Scientist. It’s his job to hate on everything that’s happening in all of his scenes. His mom tells him to come eat dinner? He hatin’. His mom tells him that Klaatu is trying to save the world and they should help him? He hatin’. That kid had a major bug up his ass because his pops died, but I don’t understand why he was blaming Keanu for all that. And then I thought, “Is Jaden making this personal, because ‘Nu is better than his father?” Seriously, I think it’s a valid question. Jaden Smith almost got everybody killed, because he tried to keep Keanu from doing his job. Granted, Keanu was tryna kill everybody at first, but he had a good reason. But, when a dude changes his mind from killing everyone to saving everyone, maybe you should leave him alone, instead of calling the Feds like a lil bitch. You know damn well if the situation were reversed and it was Will was tryna save the world and some punk ass white kid called the Feds on him, black folks would be screaming ‘cism from the top of their lungs. Right? That’s all I’m saying. Now, I know y’all wanna know about them effects. Oh, they good. Keanu got so much technology it don’t make no damn sense. Why he got a damn space thats made out of organic matter that roughly resembles a placenta? And why does that shit heal him like Wolverine when it touches his skin? Then, he got a big ass bodyguard robot named G.O.R.T. (Good Ol’ Robot Tactics…not really) that can defeat the entire United States military by itself. Them humans was looking puny ass shit. It begged the question, “Why don’t the US Government just pay Industrial Light and Magic to create new weapons?” Maybe I’m missing something on why that can’t be done, but I know if I was in charge a big ass check would be cut.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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Take that, Will Smith! 