FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING = 0 Fiyaballs... Yup, none :(

Movie Review

The Exorcism Of Emily Rose
The Devil Wants Black People To Stop Having Sex
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

From my experience as a connoisseur of cinema, I’ve concluded that there are two kinds of scary movies: Those that get you some pussy and those scare that shit outta your woman, virtually ensuring that you won't be getting any pussy for at least 24 hours. The Exorcism Of Emily Rose falls into the latter category.

Fellas, if you are taking a woman to see this movie in hopes of getting the drawers, you will fail. Not only will you fail, you will be tasked with trying to soothe the nerves of a hysterical, illogical and spiritually shaken woman. You'll be invited into her dwelling and you will have to "be there" for her. You will be everywhere in that place except the place you want to be; inside her.

Emily Rose is yet another movie in which Satan possesses yet another Catholic white girl. I am now convinced that these films are made for the sole purpose of scaring the shit out of black women, thereby becoming an effective and insidious form of birth control in the black community. There is no other plausible reason for these silly ass, kooky, blasphemous, recycled movies.

This "movie" ruined what was a lovely evening for me. You see, I was having a nice night out with a young, attractive lady I met at the club last week. We had dinner at a nice Italian place. I was all charming and shit, had her laughing and whatnot. Everything was right. Then, we just had to go to that wack ass movie. I had no idea she would freak out like she did. I thought only country ass women still get shook like that by scary movies. Until that lil' white girl started acting all stupid and that damn creepy ass opera music kept playing, I was getting some pussy. DAMN, WHITE PEOPLE MAKE ME SICK!!! All this movie is good for is scaring black folks. They know damn well black people don't fuck around with the devil like that. I guess I should've known better than to take this girl to this movie, but she asked me. I have no idea what she was trying to prove. Her big grown ass started crying when that lil' girl was crawling around on the floor. Disgusting.

So, I'm in the chick apartment and I'm trying to calm her down. I explain to her that only little white girls get possessed by the devil, because they don't wanna admit to their parents that they're pregnant. But, the truth isn't good enough for her. So, we end up having one of those long ass theological discussions. Let me tell you something. There is nothing less attractive than listening to a woman philosophize about religion, specifically God and the devil. You instantly forget that they have vaginas once they start with that line of conversation. Listening to this chick lie about how she planned to start going to church again was one of the most pathetic things I've ever witnessed. I swear my dick shriveled up so bad it was inside itself. I never want to see this woman again.

And I tell you something else. Laura Linney, Tom Wilkinson and Campbell Scott oughta be ashamed of themselves. They are too talented to be involved with such filth.

Black people (especially you black women), don't go see this garbage. Have sex instead.