FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

-

“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

Comments on content?
email us

Wanna submit something?
*read this page

Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

(3½) Fiyaballs

Movie Review

The Fantastic Four
It's Not Fantastic, But Not As Bad As You Think
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

Fantastic Four sucked. It may even be worse than The Punisher, and that was really bad. Jessica Alba is more miscast than Snoop Dogg starring as…anything. Ioan Gruffud was clearly talked into doing this by his agent, after his star sputtered the first time with King Arthur. Chris Evans isn’t even as cool as Ryan “Van Wilder” Reynolds here; and Michael Chilkis is boring as fuck. The dialogue is stupid, the acting is shitty and the plot holes are best left alone, as to retain sanity.

I will grant you all of that. But, you know what’s really sad about this movie? I liked it anyway. That’s right. If you came here looking for another panning of this movie, you best leave now (just kidding). I don’t see how this movie is any worse than the first X-Men. So what if Alba is a terrible choice for White-Storm? Halle Berry was a terrible choice for Black-Storm. The nerds kill me with their pleas for artistic integrity for COMIC BOOK MOVIES. Someone needs to break it to these geeks that no one cares what they think. People invest in movies to make money and they protect their investments by making sure hot pieces of ass like Berry and Alba attract at least $100 million worth of horny guy’s money. Does anyone believe that Jessica Simpson got the role of Daisy Duke for any other reason than her current position in the top-5 on the wank-off chart of almost every teenage boy in America? Um, no.

Call me crazy, but I rather enjoyed seeing The Human Torch being chased across the New York skyline by a heat-seeking missile. It entertained me. I also liked watching The Thing stop an 18-wheeler with his shoulder. It looked cool. Watching each character discover and embrace their newfound powers was fun to witness, in my opinion. There’s nothing else to it. Summer movies aren’t art. They’re just here every May through August to entertain. So what if the Human Torch almost gets “as hot as the sun” and doesn’t even melt the paint in the room, let alone destroy the Earth, in the process? I don’t care. I’ll buy it, man. Just make it cool. Speaking of cool, Dr. Doom was the shit. He was just as fun to watch as Dr. Octopus in Spiderman 2. NOPE! He was.

Although I did find the movie very entertaining, I did have one small problem with it. I know I shouldn’t care, but I’m compelled to mention it, because I know I’m not the only one to notice it. Why did no other woman in the known universe want The Thing, except a gorgeous blind black girl? Disgusting! I couldn’t even pretend not to be pissed off by this. This guy’s wife gives him the ring back right after he saves dozens of lives in front of the whole world. Then he just stomps his big ass into a bar and gets hit on by the only black girl in the joint. Unbelievable. I wanted to cry, I was so mad. What, she couldn’t pull any of the other white guys in the bar, so she had to settle for some brick dick? Seriously, I was offended. Kerry Washington played herself by accepting this role.

Whatever.

Fantastic Four is dumb summer fun. I don’t see any reason why people just can’t enjoy it for two hours. It’s not like George Clooney is in it.