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- Wanna submit something?
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FiyaStarter RATING =  (2½)Fiyaballs
Dear Harrison Ford's Agent,
"GIMME BACK MY FAMILY!!!" Man, nobody wanna hear that shit from his old ass, dude. You gotta be the one to tell him that. Hans Solo is a lifetime ago. Get him a script where he’s sitting down, being earnest and giving his son some advice and shit. He needs to move on to the next phase of his career. For 30 years, we've watched your client run, jump, smirk and deliver one-liners. What you need to start asking yourself is can this muhfucka do anything else. CAN HE ACT?!?!? Remember Regarding Henry? He was on to something with that shit. Get him something like that. Get him some shit where he's Dakota Fanning's single-father and he falls in love with her teacher, played by Nicole Kidman or Kate Winslet or some shit. You know GOTDAMN well white women would eat that shit up with a shovel and you'd have a hit. THINK MUHFUCKA!!! You’re letting Richard Gere take all your man's checks. When producers think old handsome guy for romantic lead, they should be thinking about your guy first, not Richard Fucking Gere. Well, Goddamn. I just checked IMDB and I see he’s got a movie coming out called Manhunt, where he plays Col. Everton Conger, who led the hunt for President Lincoln's Assassin. See, this the shit I'm talking about right here. I don't want to see him huntin' anything. HE OLD!!! For all I know, his old ass really did lead the hunt for Lincoln's assassin. Now, I understand Sabrina and Six Days, Seven Nights ruined the romantic comedy for him, but that don't mean you had to talk him into doing action movies for the rest of his life. If you had paired him with some better lead actresses, those movies probably would have been hits. You didn't do your job. You’re supposed to make sure he gets Julia Roberts and you get him Anne Heche’s crazy ass. What the fuck is wrong with you? You got a bitch who was eating Ellen's pussy at the time starring opposite your guy and you think an audience was gonna go see that shit!?!?!?!?!? You're the worst agent in Hollywood. Seriously. Sincerely, Reggie Eggert P.S. Firewall wasn't exactly Fiya, but it was aight though.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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Will you
make Harrison Ford sit his old ass down somewhere? He is acting
stupid as shit. Do you have to keep prodding him into taking
these parts? He’s old as fuck, dogg. Nobody
wants to see him chasing people and fighting anymore. Why is
he ALWAYS chasing people? Shit, he and Tommy Lee Jones should
just get it over with and play two old ass detectives that chase
people for two hours. You'd think after seeing the opening-weekend
numbers for Hollywood Homicide that you'd have sent a few Indie
scripts your man's way, but your greedy ass is too busy putting
your hand in his pocket and pumping his head up, like "You're
fucking Indiana Jones! You can do this, baby!" The
problem though is he's not Indiana Jones anymore. He's an old
ass man!!!