While
the finer details of Ridley Scott's epic Kingdom of Heaven
can be argued back and forth, he did manage to give an accurate
portrayal of the most important historical fact regarding the
Crusades: The Christians started it!
Everything else about this movie is up for debate. Orlando Bloom
as the fearless leader of men on the battlefield? Eh, I don't
buy it, personally, but I'm not upset about it. An unbilled Edward
Norton as the masked, dying king of Jeruselum? Jeremy Irons as
an ever-depressed Christian knight? Yeah, whatever. It's not like
it matters. It's the Christians' fault. They could have cast Snoop
Dogg, for all I care.
The battle scenes in this film are stunning. Following the peaceful
flight of the flaming arrows from the bow to their violent landing
in the bodies of the infidels is amazing, especially when they
land in those evil, greedy, war-mongering Christians. The violence
on the battlefield is breathtaking. Heads are sliced, arms are
severed, skulls are bashed...man, these people love them some
God.
Allow me to digress and just say that I really wish Orlando Bloom
would try a romantic comedy or something. I don't want to see
him in another period war epic. He's not masculine enough. Sure,
he was cool in Lord of the Rings, but that was a fantastical war
epic. He played a fairy, mind you. Okay, he was an elf, but he
was non-threatening nonetheless. All I'm saying is put the guy
in a flick with Reese Witherspoon or Drew Barrymore about some
young executive consumed with his career and has no time for love,
until he falls head over heels with some flaky, silly, sassy girl
who spills coffee on him. Eh? Eh? You telling me that's not a
hit? We'll see. We shall see.
Anyway, the best part the film comes near the end, when Bloom's
character agrees to concede Jerusalem to the mighty and glorious
and righteous Muslim army, led by the Honorable Saladin, in exchange
for the safe passage of all the people of the now fallen Kingdom.
Asked if he can be trusted to keep his word and not slaughter
all of the people, based on the broken promises of leaders on
both sides during the Crusades, The Honorable Saladin looks Bloom
right in the eye and says "I am not those other men.
I am Saladin. Saladin."
Christianity lost.
Kingdom
of Heaven