 |
||||||||
l
|
||||||||
- Wanna submit something?
|
FiyaStarter RATING = 0 Fiyaballs... Yup, none :( Movie Review
As I sat through Madea's Family Reunion, the prevailing thought going through my mind was, "I don't get it and I never will get it." What is this shit? Is it a comedy? Is it drama? Is it a soap opera? Is the success of Madea a manifestation of black people's hidden rage, resulting from decades of making blockbusters of pointless white folks bullshit such as Weekend at Bernie's, Rambo, and Mike Myers' career? Is this black folks' way of getting back at white people and making them go, "What the fuck is that bullshit? What the hell's wrong with black people?" Well, I'm black and I don't understand. I don't even wanna talk about the plot, because it's not important. The plot is just an excuse for niggas to show their asses for two hours. What I wanna talk about is the tone of this film and the performances. How you gonna go from fart jokes to a woman getting her ass savagely beaten by Blair Underwood? I don't remember the audience being invited to laugh at fart jokes before or after Laurence Fishburn repeatedly whupped Angela Bassett's ass in What's Love Got to Do with It. This is some disjointed bullshit and I'm tired of people acting like I'm the crazy one for not understanding the appeal. I can't help that I don't like seeing highly-trained, immensely talented black actors and actresses given the green light to overact in every fucking scene for two hours. Let me tell you something, you don't let Lynn Whitfield play Lynn Whitfield, because once she starts narrowing her fucking watery eyes and bearing her teeth, you might as well be quiet for the next 20 minutes, because ain't no yellin' "Cut!" when she starts that bullshit. And Cicely Tyson. Cicely, Cicely, Cicely. I CAN'T TAKE NO MORE!! You been playing Ms. Jane Pittman for the last 30 years! Here's a quick impression of a casting agent and producer having a conversation about a black film. Producer: Who can we get to play the elderly matriarch of the family. She needs to be ... Casting Agent: Say no more. Cicely Tyson. Producer: She's alive? And Blair Underwood better watch his step. Don't he know black women can't tell movies and television from reality? Why you think Wesley Snipes gotta play a black ass ninja vampire for a check these days? He alienated sistas. Now, look at Blair. First, he's kissing a white woman on Sex and The City. Now, he punchin' a sista in the face in every scene of a Tyler Perry movie? Does this nigga wanna work anymore? Blair was acting like all he did to prepare for this part was watch Morgan Freeman in Street Smart for a month straight. That's the last time I can remember seeing a nigga enjoy whuppin' a bitch’s ass with such horrible glee. However, my biggest beef with this movie is Boris Kodjoe and that fucking thing on his head. What is wrong with dude? Who the fuck told him to grow that turnip 'fro on his head for this part? What is that? There's no other reason for him to be in this movie other than the fact he was guaranteed to bring in an extra five million dollars at the box office. Sistas love them some Boris. You know why? Me neither. Finally, if you go see this movie, be prepared for one of the most cringe-worthy scenes you will ever see, involving child molestation and bad acting. I'm not reviewing the next Madea movie, because I'm not going to
see anymore of them
|
FIYA NFL Playoff Preview |
||||||
I
give up. I missed the Tyler Perry bus.