There's
an oft-repeated theory: Europeans make better films. Americans
make better movies. Films inpire. Movies entertain. No film in
recent memory could possible lend more credibility to that theory
than Millions, the delightful tale of an imaginative
young Irish lad, with a disturbing fetish for Saints, named Damien,
his older brother Anthony and his father Ronnie, all learning
to cope with the loss of his mother.
To help them better deal with the loss of their mother, Ronnie
moves his two sons from the city into a brand new home in the
suburbs (Who knew Ireland had suburbs, right?). Anthony takes
to his new surroundings quickly, gaining new friends and learning
his way around town, while poor little Damien has created his
own world, with no friends and lots of alone time. Damien spends
most of his time in the backyard, which is very close to the railroad
tracks. One day, while Damien is playing in the cardboard palace
he built himself to better watch the trains go by, a huge Nike
bag (BOO product placement!) comes flying from the train and destroys
his palace. He emerges from the rubble to find an obscene amount
of money protruding from the bag. Little man thinks his prayers
are answered. The money is from God, as far as he's concerned.
However, Anthony, an Irish preteen version of Alex Keaton, doesn't
give a damn how Damien came across the money. They're rich! And
this is when the fun starts! Anthony's greed and desire to flaunt
his newfound wealth in front of his schoolmates conflicts with
Damien's unquenchable longing to help every poor person in the
universe with his Godsent fortune.
Despite his best efforts, Anthony cannot stop Damien from helping
people with the money. Whether it's giving thousands to a trio
of ambiguously gay Mormons, who live in a flat down the street
or dropping a gigantic wad of cash in the collection at school
to aid third world citizens, Anthony can't seem to make his little
brother understand that helping people so flagrantly is going
to ruin their lives. Asked by his brother if he realized that
a kid bringing a couple of grand to school is suspicious, Damien
responds, "It's not suspicious! It's unusual, but not
suspicious!"
Eventually, reality strikes. The criminal who stole the money
and threw it from the train comes looking for it. Initially, Anthony
is smart enough to trick the thug into thinking they knew nothing
of the money. But, criminals aren't stupid; especially in Europe.
They don't even need guns.
Things become more complicated when their father learns of the
money. His first reaction is to return the money, but after their
house is ransacked by the dirt bag thief searching for the money,
he decides to keep it out of spite.
Now, I don't want to give away the ending, but the father gets
laid, the boys get a new mommy and some village in Africa gets
a well. That's all I'm saying. It's wonderful. And realistic.
And moving.
Note: If this film were made in Hollywood, they would have made
the boys into girls and cast the Fanning sisters and Julia Roberts
as their mother, and they'd have a dead dad, little Elle would
find $20 million bucks and Dakota would boss her around and blah
blah blah...and Julia Roberts would end up with fucking George
Clooney and they'd be one big rich happy pretty family...same
ol' bullshit. And it would win an Oscar. And I'd stab myself with
a toothpick until I died.
