FiyaStarter.com - Reel Hot with Reggie Eggert

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Reggie Eggert (30)

-Loves any movie with black people in it.
--Reggie was fired from BET.com for giving a 4-star review to Woo, which is quite possibly the worst movie ever made. Yes, worse than that. Yup, that too. It’s unforgivably bad. Reggie has learned his lesson. He promised not to give any movie with Jada Pinkett Smith in it for more than 20 minutes a rating higher than 2 and ½, because that’s all they deserve.

FiyaStarter RATING =

Fiyaballs

Movie Review

The Omen: 06-06-06
It’s official: Lucifer has fallen...off.
by: Reggie Eggert, for Entertainment

The Omen: 06-06-06 is exceedingly non-threatening, as it has a cute kid by the name of Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick (I guess he’s Irish or something) portraying Damien AKA Satan Incarnate and Julia Stiles. I can't imagine two less scary people than these two. While this movie is entertaining in some aspects, it isn't very scary, which, to my knowledge, is what a scary movie is supposed to be.

New Horror Movie Rule: Julia Stiles doesn’t fit the genre. She has as much business doing horror as Lindsay Lohan does acting alongside Meryl Streep.

What struck me most about this movie is the lack of respect it had for Satan’s power. The Devil is a scary ass dude and the movie never shows that. As a matter of fact, at the theater I saw the movie, people were laughing and shit, like the idea of Hell on Earth is comedy. And when I say people were laughing I mean pre-teens. Disgusting. I’m just sitting there like, “This is some bullshit! When I was a youngin’, people ain’t laugh in the Devil face. Wasn’t shit funny about The Exorcist or the original Omen. They wouldn’t be laughing if the Devil walked in here and started burnin’ they ass up.” I never thought I’d see the day when movies about Satan didn’t scare the shit out of people. Is it possible that in The Information Age humanity is progressing so rapidly that our dependence on--and belief in--archaic notions of the concepts and origins of evil have been rendered obsolete? Catholics don’t worry about Hell as much as they worry about the divinity of Jesus being debated by millions of people on internet message boards.

But back to matter at hand…

When did movies about Satan become comedies? These really are the last days, if movies about an old ass man dying of cancer killing people with elaborate traps and shit strikes more fear in the hearts of people than Satan. Jigsaw can’t fuck wit Lucifer, so why y’all fakin’ on Big L? I mean, is Jigsaw the guy who stood up in God’s face and said “You know what, Dog? I don’t like the way you running things,” or was that Satan? That’s the problem right there. People don’t have no respect for what Satan did anymore. People, believe it or not, leading a rebellion against The Creator Of All Things takes a lot more balls than locking some people in room and making them cut off their limbs and poke out their eyes to live. Jigsaw would cry like a bitch and ask to be forgiven if he ever came face to face with the glory of God. He ain’t no real G like Big Lu. No only will Big Lu kill you, he will take your soul and keep on killing you…forever. What’s fuckin’ with that? Nothing. That shit is like the most evil thing you can do to a person.

The next movie about Satan better come wit it. They have to make it realistic to scare the shit out of these people. I wanna see multiple shots of Hell, with souls swimming in endless lakes of fire and screaming like crazy. I wanna see people being possessed and actin’ a damn fool. I dunno, maybe they can have some little babies being possessed or something…like some newborns walking around and talking with that deep ass Satan voice and speaking in tongues. That would scare people. I’m scared just thinking about it.