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FiyaStarter RATING = 0 Fiyaballs... Yup, none :( Movie Review
But, Monique's all-too-personal emotional breakdown scene in Phat Girlz came damn close. Her fat ass was going crazy! For nothing! I was sitting there like "Damn, girl...you just fat, not paraplegic. What are you carrying on about?!?!?" People, Monique's big ass wasn't even acting during this scene. I know a lot of you may go see this movie and make that mistake. I know this because there were people there who made the same mistake, talking about "Oh girl, she's really getting into this. I didn't know she could act so good." Act so good?!?!? SHE FAT!!!! She's a fat woman with weight issues playing a fat woman with weight issues. What acting? There's no acting involved here. What the hell is the matter with people?!?!? This movie is irredeemable. The plot is a deliberate retreat from reality. Monique, along with her cousin and best friend go on vacation to a Palm Springs resort, where they encounter a group of horny and rich African doctors who all have an unquenchable fat fetish. CONVENIENT! IS SNOOP DOGG PRESIDENT IN THIS WORLD OF MAKE BELIEVE?! Does Monique really think brothas in Africa appreciate a healthy plus-sized women anymore than brothas right here in civili, er, America? Who she think she fooling? The girl who plays her cousin Mia, Joyful Drake, got an ATLien phat ass, and everyone in the movie kept calling her "skinny." That shit offended me as an ass expert. I know a skinny ass from a thick ass and I know a thick ass from a fat ass, and any nigga reading this will tell you what kind of ass Monique has on her. Monique would have us believe that there's no such thing as a fat ass. Nope, according to the dialogue in this movie there's just thick and skinny. So, any woman in this movie who wasn't as big as Monique or bigger than Monique was called skinny. How insecure. So, Buffie The Body is a "skinny bitch" in this movie. Beyonce is "skinny bitch" in this movie. Hell, Oprah would get the "SB" tag if she were in this horrible film. This was my worst movie experience in nearly a decade. That comedian Godfrey had better watch himself, because you can't be in shit like Soul Plane and Phat Girlz and not be typecast. His agent must be his bookie, too. I honestly don't know how this movie got made, though "cheaply" is the obvious answer to that question. Portions of the film appear to be shot with digital cameras, while other parts use film stock. That's a first, as far as I know. This shit had Eric Roberts in it, for fuck's sake.
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FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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As
much as I wanna say this shit was worse than Woo,
I just can't rid myself of the image of Jada Pinkitt
in that convertible, arms raised, triumphantly yelling "WOOOOOOOOO!!!" There's
just nothing worse than that. It's going to be one of the images
I see before I take my last breath and leave this world, I
just know it.