*Note:
Instead of writing a review, Reggie submitted a recording of himself
at the barbershop, as he decribed it to the barbers and other
patrons. This is the transcript, as best we could decipher it:
Reggie: GODDAMN!!!!
I just came from seeing dat T2, y'all!
Old Ass Barber #1: T2? With Swoznagga?
Reggie:
No, you old ass old man! Transporter 2!
Patron #1: How was that joint?
Reggie: Man, This
dude be fuckin' people up! I don't know what this movie is about.
I don't remember anyone's names! All I know is that bald head
English dude be fuckin' people up! Man, soon as the movie started,
he fucked up four niggas. By the time I ate one M&M...before
the joint even melted in my mouth...he had already beat the shit
outta four dudes.
*laughter*
Patron #2: Like Segal, huh?
Reggie: Seg...what?
That fat long coat jackass can't fuck with this dude. This Muhfucka
is vicious. You know how you felt when you saw Jim Kelly in Enter
The Dragon? Or when you saw Chow Yun Fat in Hard-Boiled?
Or Danny Glover in The Color Purple? Well, this dude
is better. NOPE!!! I don't care what any of you gotta say. He
better!
Old Ass Barber #2: Oh no! Fuck that! He ain't
better than Jim Kelly.
Reggie: I'm telling
you he is!!!
Old Ass Barber #2: No way, boy. Jim Kelly whupped
Jim Brown's ass. I was there. So, I know he ain't better than
Jim. Only one man beat Jim Brown ass...Jim Kelly. He ain't better
than either...I...
Reggie:
Listen, you old contrary bitch!!! There was a bomb attached
underneath his car and it was about to blow him the fuck up and
This Muhfucka flipped the car over and knocked the bomb off against
one of this big ass hanging hooks you see at construction sites.
Man, that shit was FANTASTIC! I was about to cry. I never saw
no shit like that before. Man, and some crazy runway model type
chick kept tryna kill This Muhfucka. She walked around the whole
movie with two converted 9mm Uzis, just dropping anybody that
got in her way. I was like "GODDAMN, THIS BITCH CRAZY!"
This Muhfucka tried to blow that bitch up with a homemade bomb
in the doctor's office. She ain’t die though.
Old Ass Barber#2: 9mm you say?
Reggie: Yes, you
old ass man!!! I say 9mm!!! UZIS!!! She was killin' people!!!
Pay attention! Damn!
Old Ass Barber #2: Okay, well what happened next?
Reggie: If you be
quiet, I'mma tell your old ass!
Old Ass Barber #2: Okay...go on then! Shit!
Old Ass Barber #1: Will you shut your ass up, Cecil?
Let the boy finish?!?!?!?
*Inaudible yelling*
Reggie: ANYWAY!!!
This Muhfucka gotta get back this kid that was kidnapped. Now,
the kid was kidnapped by some Spanish crime dude tryna get some
bread for...something to do with the plot, I think. Dude got guns
and goons all over the place and This Muhfucka goes to get the
kid back with nothing but two black suits and an Audi. HE DON'T
EVEN HAVE WEAPONS!!! I'm like "THIS MUHFUCKA CRAZY!!!"
Patron #2: An Audi?
Reggie: A fuckin'
Audi, dogg!!! But, you believe that shit, because dude just a
beast like that. I was sitting there like, "Yeah, he gonna
fuck people up with that Audi. They fucked with the wrong dude
this time."
Old Ass Barber #1: What he do to 'em, Reggie?
Reggie: Mr. Calhoun, he fucked those people
up. He was breaking people’s necks and shit; hitting bammas
with clotheslines left and right. He fought like seven dudes with
a fucking water hose. It's unbelievable. I mean, how you whoop
people’s ass with a water hose? THEN...this the tight part...him
and the Spanish dude...DAMN, THIS SHIT WAS CRAZY...
Patron #2: C'mon Reggie...What they do? I gotta
pick my li'l girl up from cheerleader practice, nigga!!! TELL
ME!!!...I NEED THAT!!!
Reggie: THEY STARTED
FIGHTING ON A DAMN JET THAT WAS OUT OF CONTROL!!!
*Inaudible shouting and general excitement*
Reggie: I tell ya
no lies. IT WAS FIYA!!! The pilot got knocked out and the jet
was just slicing through the air. And the Spanish dude lost his
gun and every time the jet changed flight, the gun would slide
back and forth to either of them. Then, the pilot fell against
the control and the jet went straight up and then just nose-dived
aaaaaalll the way down...
Mr. Calhoun: They die?
Reggie:
FUCK NO!!! It's a movie! The Jet crashed into the damn
Atlantic Ocean and they started fighting underwater!!!!
*NOISE*
Patron #2: WHAT??!?!?! Fuck that! I'm going to
see that joint right now! I'mma just have to take my li'l girl!
Peace, y'all!
Reggie: Do that, dogg! Later.
Cecil: Reggie, I swear you got the best job in
the damn world. All you do is watch movies and talk shit.
Reggie: Yeah, well, all you do is cut
hair and talk shit. Now, trim my beard, you old ass old bitch!
*End Tape*
*Note: Well, people I guess this means, he recommends the movie.
