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FiyaStarter RATING = 0 Fiyaballs... Yup, none :( Movie
Review  Through the
first 10 minutes of When a
Stranger Calls, you get the feeling you're in for a marvelous
feast of blood and gore. During the opening sequence, we're
treated to a view of a bedroom window, where a large psychotic jackass
is shown murdering some poor, generic small town teenage girl. They
don't actually show anything, but her screams are chilling
enough to make you sit there and think "Damn, he killed
her good. He gon' be
killing these bitches all movie long," I know I did.
Things only get better in the next scene, where law enforcement
officials scour the horrible murder scene. We follow a grizzled homicide detective
to the scene of the crime, the bedroom, and the look on his
face is priceless. You'd think his old ass saw Satan having
sex with Bea Arthur.
He looked like his heart was about to explode. Whatever it
was must've been pretty cool, because they took that poor girl's
body out in three different body bags.And that's where they should've ended
this movie.
For
the next 100
minutes, we're treated to nothing but a bunch of stale teen
horror movie plot
lines about popular kids, their parties, bitches
stealing boyfriends, the cute token black girlfriend (thank
goodness Gabriel Union doesn't have to reduce herself to
being this character anymore), cluless irresponsible
parents and oh yeah a virginal babysitting protagonist,
played by Jordana Brewster's little
sister, Camilla Belle as Jill Johnson (not plain enough?).
Jill is babysitting for a rich doctor and his wife, who
live in the
kind of impractical house that would only be built by a movie
studio that's making a movie that calls for the kind of
house that's conducive for a psycho
to roam through.
So,
the lil' girl hears
some sounds and she goes to check on the kids. Nothing, of
course. She hears more sounds and she checks again. Oh, there's
our fucking cat. Every bad scary movie has the fucking cat.
Again, she hears a noise and somehow ends up at the refrigerator,
where she stands with the door open, trying to convince us
that something awful will appear once
she closes it. *Scary music swells* Nothing!! Then, finally,
the phone rings. And there's our stranger, breathing all hard
like a damn fool. Now, I don't know who raised their hand during
the production meetings and insisted that hard-breathing would
be the most important thing in this movie, but they need a
good kick in the ass from all angles.
The
phone breathing thing goes on for 45 minutes. I bullshit
you not. Nothing happens. She calls a couple of friends.
She calls the cops. She checks the kids again. And all the
killer does is dial and breathe.
Awful. This movie has to be a bet between two untouchable studio execs.
No
one should have to sit through this dumb shit. I wouldn't
recommend this movie to a pedophile,
not that I know any or anything.
Besides
the black girl not dying, this movie is about as horrible
and predictable as you can get. I really didn't like it.
.
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