You
know, after I initially heard Dave Chappelle was pulling
the plug on his Comedy Central hit, I thought there could
have possibly been some pressure on the guy from some leaders
in the black community to stop making them feel nervous.
Maybe, I dunno. Anyway, fast forward to the other day when
I was forwarded this Chappelle
Theory page and
I have this to say:
Call
up XXL Magazine, because we've got the biggest
feature for their "Nigga Please" section ever.
Actually, scratch that and call up Rolling Stone
or Variety and see if they have a "Cracker
Please" section because this Chappelle
Theory shit was
clearly put together by a dumb white guy. It actually has
little to do with Dave, himself, but much more to do with
filling people's heads up with tired racial stereotypes
and a complete demolishing of every black leader in the
community.yup, even Whoopi. The Magmafiya, knows this to
be Hot FIYA Truth. Read on
to find out how.
Below
are direct quotes from the so called Chappelle
Theory, followed
by the FIYA
Analysis.
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CT:
This account of Dave Chappelle's fall from grace has
been pieced together by me, a retired public relations executive
who wishes to remain anonymous.
LEMME
JUST SAY THIS, FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A MEDIA
EXECUTIVE, THERE ARE SO MANY GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING
MISTAKES IN THIS PIECE, DANIEL WEBSTER DID THE HARLEM
SHAKE IN HIS GRAVE AFTER JUST SKIMMING THROUGH IT. NOT
TO SAY WE'RE ANY BETTER, BUT IF YOU NOTICED WE DON'T CLAIM
MUCH OF THAT PROFESSIONAL SHIT AROUND HERE.
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CT:
my
contacts, many of whom were closely related to the individuals
involved, enabled me to fairly accurately recount the
events that took place. You can take this for what you
wish, but it is the truth.
WE
DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO REFUTE THIS, BUT IT'S JUST FUNNY
WHEN YOU COME BACK TO THIS AFTER YOU'VE READ THE REST.
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CT:
I
have written this account without the need for embellishments.
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CT:
On
August 3, 2004 comedian Dave Chappelle signed a contract
with Comedy Central valued at $50 million.
HE
SIGNED IT ON THE SECOND, (Here's
the official press release) IT JUST LEAKED
TO THE MEDIA ON THE THIRD. REMEMBER WHEN YOU TOOK YOUR
DRIVERS TEST AND THE FIRST GOAL WAS TO GET OUT OF THE
LOT? WELL, THIS GUY DOESN'T HAVE HIS SEAT BELT ON. HE'S
FAILED ALREADY...SLOPPY.
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CT:
But
Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware
of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy
empire crumble.
IF
YOU DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE, REMEMBER THIS STATEMENT. WE'LL
TRY TO REMIND YOU, TOO.
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CT:
there
was a secret cabal of powerful African-American leaders
from the business, political, and entertainment industries
working together to ensure that the third season of Chappelle's
Show would never happen.
THAT'S
THESE GUYS
aka
aka
(seven black folks who would never associate
with each other at once)
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CT:
Jesse
Jackson
Bio:
Former Martin Luther King confidant and Presidential Candidate.
Founder of the Rainbow Coalition, and prominent Civil Rights
leader for over forty years. Presidential hopes were dashed
when it was revealed that he once referred to Jews as "hymies"
and New York as "hymietown" during an off the record conversation
with reporters. Has been dogged by controversy ever since,
including accusations of infidelity, and unethical behavior
while securing a Budweiser distributorship for his two sons
in the lucrative Chicago market.
NO
MENTION OF HELPING TO FREE THEM PRISONERS.HMMM, MIGHT
HAVE TO PUT THIS IN THE 'CISM
FILES. HE'S STARTING TO SOUND KINDA JEWISH TOO.
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CT:
Louis
Farrakhan
Has
elicited controversy by espousing his views that the white
race was invented by an evil scientist named Yacub in one
of the craters on the dark side of the moon, and by publicly
stating that "Hitler was a great man."
YEAH,
MY GUESS IS HE'S A JEW, AS OF RIGHT NOW.
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CT:
Cosby
has raised the ire of the black community recently by being
openly critical of low-income blacks, whom he believes are
deprioritizing education in favor of sports and fashion.
He has been accused of fathering an illegitimate daughter,
and drugging and groping former female acquaintances.
A
SWIPE AT THE BLACK COMMUNITY, THEN ONE AT THE GUY WHO
SAID IT. 2 FOR 1 SALE.
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CT:
Helped
secure the role of "Achoo" in Mel Brook's Robin Hood: Men
In Tights
HE
MISSES NOT ONE JEW REFERENCE IN DAVE'S CAREER. NOT A ONE.
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CT:
(Whoopi
Goldberg) She has managed to remain relatively controversy
free throughout her career - save for the infamous "blackface"
incident involving her then boyfriend, Ted Danson.
MAYBE
HE'S JUST WHITE...ANYWAY, WHOOPI DID A ONE WOMAN SHOW
BACK IN THE 80'S CALLED "THE SPOOK SHOW." I'LL
JUST LEAVE THAT BE. AND FOR THE RECORD, WHOOPI HAS USED
MORE RACIAL JOKES THAN DAVE EVER HAS IN HER CAREER.
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CT:
(Robert
L. Johnson) Divorced from Sheila Johnson, yet still remains
a staunch supporter of family values.
BACKHANDED
AND KINDA FUNNY, ACTUALLY. NO WONDER THERE ARE SO MANY
POSITIVE IMAGES OF BLACK WOMEN ON BET.
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CT:
Chappelle's
Show third episode featured a take off on the making of
Roots, a topic that many upper-income, baby-boomer blacks
hold sacred.
THIS
GUY IS SO WHITE HE HAS TO PUT ON GLOVES TO BUTTON UP HIS
PEA COAT SO HE WON'T GET CHALK ALL OVER IT. BABY BOOMER
BLACKS ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT LOVE ROOTS? YOU'RE FORGETTING
ATLEAST TWO GENERATIONS AFTER THAT ASSCLOWN.
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CT:
Episode
six of Chappelle's Show featured the sketch "It's a Mad
Real World" a take off on MTV's Real World series. In the
Chappelle version, a white, suburban male rooms with six
black inner city youth, and is terrorized throughout his
stay. His dad is stabbed and his girlfriend is molested
by his inner-city, African-American roommate Tyree.
PLEASE,
THAT BITCH WANTED SOME JUNGLE LOVE. YOU MAD?
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CT:
Robert
L. Johnson, alerted by the rumblings coming from the Cosby,
Farrakhan, and Sharpton camps, decided to tune into this
show to see what Chappelle had been doing that was getting
so many black leaders rankled. After watching the show,
Johnson reportedly thought to himself, "Bill, Al and Louis
may be right - if this really blows up, it sets us up to
be minstrels again." Just as Cosby and Farrakhan did, Johnson
decided to get involved as well.
MORE
SLOPPY; THIS IS THE FIRST TIME FARRAKHAN WAS MENTIONED.
HOW IS BOB JOHNSON GOING TO CO-SIGN SOMEBODY WHO "ACCORDING
TO YOUR SOURCES" UP UNTIL THIS POINT DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO SAY ABOUT THE MATTER? OH, WE KNOW YOU HATE THE GUY
AND COULDN'T WAIT TO INSERT HIM IN THE STORY. COME ON,
THIS IS JUST CARELESS.
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CT:
Episode
seven of Chappelle's Show skewered the Star Wars franchise.
It had a bit based around sexual molestation that occurs
at the Jedi Academy. A reportedly furious George Lucas,
demanded that his secretary place a call to Whoopi Goldberg,
a long time friend of Lucas as well as an early benefactor
and friend of Chappelle. Lucas wanted her to see if she
could get word to Chappelle that he is not amused.
GEORGE
LUCAS AIN'T THINKING ABOUT NO DAMN DAVE CHAPPELLE. I TELL
YOU WHO IS THOUGH, A MAD JEW, OR SOMEBODY BADLY IMPERSONATING
ONE WRITING THIS STORY. IM NOT EVEN SURE IF THIS GUY EVEN
KNOWS ABOUT HIS OWN COMMUNITY, MUCH LESS THE
BLACK ONE. WE KNOW LUCAS GOT THAT AMERICAN JEWISH COMMITTEE
AWARD BACK IN 2000, BUT A LOT OF JEWS DON'T EVEN LIKE
THE GUY, BECAUSE ON THE TELLING OF THE STAR WARS SAGA
--OH HELL JUST LOOK IT UP IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME..
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CT:
(Rosie)
O'Donnell mentioned the remark while lunching with Winfrey
at the Palm in West Hollywood the next day.
LEMME
GUESS, SINCE SHE HAD A ROLE IN THE FIDDLER ON THE
ROOF (THE PRETTY JEWISH BROADWAY PLAY) SHE GETS A
CAMEO IN THE CONSPIRACY. I CAN DIG IT.
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CT:
The
season's 10th episode features the R. Kelley "Piss on You"
video. This contraversial sketch ignited a world of criticism
and, unsurprisingly, caught the attention of Bill Cosby.
THERE'S
NO WAY IN HELL THIS PERSON IS BLACK. DEXTER MANLEY COULDN'T
MISSPELL R. KELLY IF HE TRIED. AND THIS GUY NEVER HAD
A PR JOB EITHER, SPELLING CONTROVERSIAL LIKE THAT. JUST
PATHETIC.
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CT:
Inside
the package was a voodoo-doll style replica of Chappelle
dressed as Clayton Bigsby - the African American Klansman
from his first show. The doll was riddled with safety pins,
and had a noose tied sharply around his neck.
"HEY
LEMME THROW SOMETHING IN THERE THAT HAS TO DO WITH LYNCHING,
YOU KNOW THE BLACK PEOPLE ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT THAT SHIT."
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CT:
After
this incident, Chappelle confided in cast member Charlie
Murphy and head writer Neal Brennan that he thinks some
powerful black people are out to get him to tone down the
show's content, and that they may have infiltrated the set.
Both tell him not to worry - that it's just the pressure
getting to him. But personally, both worry that the pressure
to succeed may have been getting to Chappelle, and express
concern to other crew members.
"But
Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware
of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy
empire crumble." - CT
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CT:
When
Chappelle's mother excused herself to go to the bathroom,
Sharpton was seen moving into the seat beside Chappelle.
Chappelle would later recount what Sharpton had whispered:
"I didn't appreciate the mockery directed at reparations
in last season's shows. You should be ashamed of selling
out the community for cheap laughs and ratings." Sharpton
was seen quickly leaving the theatre immediately after.
MY
QUESTION IS DID THE GUY WHO WROTE THIS ACTUALLY BELIEVE
THIS ONE WOULD FLY WHEN HE WROTE IT? AND FURTHERMORE,
WHY DIDN'T HE GIVE AL A COOL NAME LIKE "DEEP PERM?"
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CT:
When
Chappelle told his mother about this upon her return, she
was in disbelief.
"But
Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware
of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy
empire crumble." - CT
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CT:
When
Chappelle contacted the local police department and phone
company in an attempt to trace the calls, they report that
they have no record of the calls ever being made. When Chappelle
confided in his wife that he thinks he is being targeted
by a group of powerful black showbiz folks and politicians,
she tells him that he's acting "crazy" and he should relax
and enjoy his success.
"But
Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware
of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy
empire crumble." - CT
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CT:
After
the show played, Chappelle was seen having dinner with friends
at Pastis in New York City's fashionable meatpacking district.
When he tried to pick up the tab, embarassingly he found
out that his credit card had been rejected. He tried several
other credit cards, and found that surprisingly, they were
rejected too.
After
his last credit card was declined, Chappelle received a
call on his cell phone. Chappelle confided to his friends
that the voice on the line advised him that "this is only
the beginning if you don't do what we want - try your credit
cards now." Chappelle, clearly rattled, told the wait staff
to run his credit card once more. When it did, this may
have been when Chappelle began to realize the seriousness
of the situation.
IF
THE DARK CRUSADERS COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING LIKE THIS,
REDD FOXX WOULDN'T HAVE RUN INTO THOSE TAX PROBLEMS BEFORE
HE DIED.
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CT:
On
Tuesday, while watching an episode of the Oprah Winfrey
show, Chappelle recalled being completely stunned when Winfrey
turned to the camera in the middle of interviewing Tom Cruise
and said "Dave Chappelle, you should be ashamed of yourself
for airing that Niggars sketch on your show this week, I'm
going to make sure you never work in Hollywood again."
REMEMBER
HOW DR. HIBBARD LOOKED AT THE CAMERA AND ASKED IF YOU
KNEW WHO SHOT MR. BURNS ON THE SIMPSONS? THAT'S
WHAT I THOUGHT ABOUT HERE...ANYWAY, OF COURSE IT JUST
HAD TO BE THE TOM CRUISE EPISODE, RIGHT? I MEAN A WHITE
MALE HASN'T WATCHED AN EPISODE OF OPRAH BEFORE OR AFTER
THAT ONE.
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CT:
The
image, allegedly taped by Winfrey, and transmitted to Chappelle's
house under the direction of Robert L. Johnson who called
in some favors with Chappelle's local affiliate station
manager, terrified Chappelle.
PLEASE,
BOB JOHNSON COULDN'T KEEP TAVIS SMILEY OR AJ FROM MOONLIGHTING
ON ANOTHER NETWORK, HOW THE HELL IS HE GONNA FINAGLE SOMETHING
LIKE THIS? HIM AND OPRAH DOING THIS WOULD REALLY BE AN
EXAMPLE OF "BLACK STAR POWER." NOOOOOOOOOPE,
IT WOULD.
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CT:
At
that time he considered telling the show's cast and producers
what was happening to him, but decided against it.
"After
this incident, Chappelle confided in cast member Charlie
Murphy and head writer Neal Brennan that he thinks some
powerful black people are out to get him to tone down
the show's content, and that they may have infiltrated
the set. Both tell him not to worry - that it's just the
pressure getting to him. But personally, both worry that
the pressure to succeed may have been getting to Chappelle,
and express concern to other crew members." -
CT
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CT:
This
reached its apex when Chappelle emerged from the shower
one morning to find the three men sitting in his bathroom.
By Chappelle's account, they told him "If we can get into
your home this easily David, imagine what we can do to you
if we really wanted to hurt you. If you don't tone down
your show, maybe the next time we're in your bathroom, we'll
be waiting for your wife or children to get out of the shower
- not you."
MAYBE
THIS GUY ISN'T JEWISH, MAYBE IT'S MARIO PUZO
*(AUTHOR OF THE GODFATHER, PEOPLE - KEEP UP).
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CT:
Oprah
Winfrey leaned forward and whispered in my ear "you better
watch your step - we're representing interests more powerful
than you can imagine. You do remember that Farrakhan killed
Malcom, and that Cosby, Johnson and I have more money than
God - we can keep this harassment up forever. Is this what
you want your life to be like Dave?"
ABSOLUTE
LIE. OPRAH WOULDA BEEN IN BED. SHE HAS TO GET UP MUCH
TOO EARLY TO BE DEALING WITH THIS. AND PLUS DO YOU HAVE
HARPO BEING SO RUDE AS TO NOT EVEN BRING A GIFT AFTER
SHE DONE SHOWED UP THAT LATE AT SOMEBODY'S HOUSE? EVEN
BALTIMORE PEOPLE KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.
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CT:
According
to a stage hand, after the show, when Chappelle returned
to his dressing room, he found a package containing pictures
of Malcom X, Biggie Smalls, Tupac Shakur, and himself, with
the words "You're Next" scrawled across his picture.
BILL
GOLDBERG (ANOTHER JEW) JUST CALLED. HE WANTS HIS CATCH
PHRASE BACK.
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CT:
The
entire group was seen meeting over the August 7th weekend
at the posh Omni Hotel in Atlanta. They were able to keep
the meeting out of the press, as Robert L. Johnson owns
an interest in the hotel and arranged for the entire top
three floors of the hotel to be reserved for the group.
However, the underpaid staff was quick to vent their frustrations
on the organization of this event, which is how I came to
know this information.
AFTER
HE TELLS US BOB JOHNSON HAS AN INTEREST IN THE HOTEL,
HE FOLLOWS IT UP WITH HOW UNDERPAID AND UNHAPPY THE WORKERS
ARE; AS TO SAY, NIGGERS AINT SHIT.OR IS THAT NIGGARS?
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CT:
According
to some of the documents left behind by the group, they
seem to have emerged with a definite plan - a plan developed
largely by Al Sharpton and Louis Farrakhan, and most likely
financed by the deep pockets of the rest of the group.
SO,
LEMME GET THIS STRAIGHT; EVERYTHING IS TOP SECRET, TIGHT
LIPPED AND THOROUGH, BUT THEY LEFT SHIT THIS IMPORTANT
BEHIND? WELL, NOW THIS REALLY IS STARTING TO SOUND LIKE
SOME NIGGA CONCOCTED SHIT. I GOTTA BE HONEST, IM NOT SO
SURE THIS IS FAKE ANYMORE.
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CT:
After
dinner, Chappelle placed a call to his close friend and
fellow comedian Mario Cantone - who he thought he could
count on for help - to reveal what has been happening to
him.
"But
Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware
of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy
empire crumble." - CT
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CT:
During
this time, Chappelle began slipping into paranoia. He called
his agent and told him he was thinking of pulling the plug
on the show. When his agent asked why, Chappelle told him
about the Dark Crusaders and how they were out to end his
career.
"But
Dave was haunted by a secret. One that only he was aware
of, and one he couldn't share with anyone, lest his comedy
empire crumble." - CT
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CT:
After
another talk with his agent, Chappelle rallied himself and
tried to give the Show one last shot. With a $50 million
dollar contract on the line, it wasn't surprising.
A
REALLY BITTER BACKHANDED SHOT. HE'S MAD DAVE GOT THAT
CHECK.
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CT:
The
package - which arrived via UPS - contained a picture of
Chappelle's sleeping children, taken the night before in
Chappelle's house. A person who appeared to be of Al Sharpton's
build was standing next to their beds.
EASILY
THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WHOLE PIECE.
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CT:
Chappelle
left the country for South Africa, as the heat from the
Dark Crusaders was getting to be too much. His secretary
reported contacting Bill Cosby for him, though the details
of the conversation are not known. Immediately following
that conversation, Chappelle drove his family to a safe
location in rural Ohio and booked a flight to South Africa
at the Cincinnati Airport.
THIS
IS ABOUT THE ONLY THING THAT REALLY MADE ME MAD. ABANDONING
HIS ENDANGERED FAMILY? THAT'S SOME MICHAEL CORLEONE SHIT!
YA KNOW, SOME COWARD CRACKER SHIT? THIS GUY GETS THE GAS
FACE.
IN CONCLUSION, THIS WAS
A BIG LIE THOUGHT UP BY EITHER:
a)
a dumb white guy who hates black people
b) a dumb Jewish guy who hates black people
c) a dumb white guy who hates black people and Jewish
people equally
Who you got?
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