Sure,
it started out being “cool” a couple years ago. A
nice in-between look for those whose style was too grown for tennis
shoes, but most certainly too “chic” for the Churches
wingtips they’ve already worn the past five days at work.
But alright, enough already! Every version of every style and
color just isn’t acceptable because they have them at your
local Bare Feet. I’m sorry if I had to be the one to break
this to you, but it can’t go on any longer without you knowing
the truth. Some people believe that you can’t blame one,
for what they don’t know, so this is my official public
disclaimer:
Stop wearing these bamma ass shoes. Get them out of my
face!
No
more brown and lime green bowling shoes, with pink polk-a-dots.
No more bootleg suede Asics with three extra stripes, in three
different yet equally blinding colors. And please, I beg of you,
no more Burberry patterned canvas, high-tops with Velcro straps
and secret Kangaroo pockets. It must stop, immediately.
Now
when I stumbled upon the first generation of these shoes a couple
years ago, they intrigued me. The style of the Kenneth Cole’s
and Puma’s were nostalgic, yet they had a subtle flair to
them, so I grabbed a couple pair. Soon afterwards, they began
to pop up everywhere like Bobby Brown’s seeds. So I said
goodbye to my new friends with the faith that when most of the
hype died down, I could renew my relationship with my fine cushioned
friends. Well, like I said, it’s been a few years now and
it’s still going on.
Here’s
some quick advice from me so you won’t be walking around
thinking you’re Calvin Klein, when you’re actually
Calvin the clown with his work shoes on; If you know you’re
not a fashion maverick, then don’t try to pretend like you’re
one. Find a look, practice it and go with it. If you have to think
too hard about something in the morning, abort and go for the
black and grey unless you have credible supervision around. FYI,
those shoes are still tucked away, I guess I’ll break them
out in the next eight years or so, but for right now I have officially
went back to tennis shoes as my leisure form of footwear.
Yup,
good ‘ol sneakers. Ask anyone who knows me and I bet you
they’ll say they haven’t seen me more than one or
two times without a pair of crazy puma’s or dunks on my
feet. You know what though? Keeping fresh tennis shoes on my feet
is even getting difficult, because the tennis shoes of today straight
up suck. The Lebrons, The Vince-Shox, The Vicks, T-Macs and Iversons,
all booty. The Jordans? Don’t get me started on those. I
don’t even know what planet they inhabit when they design
those things nowadays. When did it get this bad? Just back in
’95 I couldn’t keep a full check in my account because
there were so many Nikes alone that I couldn’t keep my hands
off of.
I
decided to do us all a favor and list 10 + 1 pairs of shoes that
I would most like to be retro'd ASAP. Lord knows these shoe companies
need the help.
Nike
- Jordan V's (2) (Primary color, white:black)
They were already retro'd a few years ago, but I was broke at
the time. When they originally dropped, that mesh on the side
looked better than my girlfriend at the time. She had green eyes
and a big butt, but I would’ve traded her for a pair without
a second thought. (FYI, my hot fiya sources tell me that they
will be retroed yet again in different colorways... all the J-Rocks
I-V, for that matter)
Nike
- first Rodmans (Primary color, black)
You know the quarter top ones with the diagonal check at the top?
Before they got dumb looking, with that ugly zipper, these were
pretty slick.
Nike
- first Penny Foamposites (Primary color, royal blue)
Not those wack knockoffs they brought back with the black check
on the side, but the original ones with the clear bottom and no
check. Real quick, a note to Nike; that piece of shit you retro'd,
the blue was off. The original Penny’s had blue that matched
perfect with the Orlando Magic uniform... (c'mon Nike, who do
you think you're dealing with?) I remember the first time I saw
them on Mike Bibby's feet during the NCAA tournament. I acted
so dumb, I bumped my forehead on the television trying to get
a closer look. I thought they were the Air Bakins… *segue*
Nike
- Air Bakins (2) (Primary color, royal blue:red)
I still have both pair in the closet, but the blue ones especially,
are punished. They stopped making them because the word air on
the back looked like it said Allah. *cough* copout *cough* They
remade them, but they didn’t even feel the same. The originals
were too powerful I suppose. Back when these came out, I used
to work at the mall and had the hookup. I was the first dude in
city to have them that first week. I broke more necks than a mofo.
Few shoes in the history of footwear made a pair of sweatpants
look that good.
Nike
- the other two first black Foamposites (2) (Primary
color, black:black)
More dumb retro's with a black bottom by Nike. Make the friggin
clear bottom and be done with it, already. They were popular for
a reason! A lot of people are familiar with the all black ones,
but few have been in the presence the Footaction exclusive black
foams with the yellow-lime green check. My man had these things
on one day and after I finished rubbing my eyes, I walked up to
him. Knowing he wore the same size as me, I reevaluated our friendship
that day and passed on knocking him in the head for those wonderful
shoes.
Nike
– Bo Jackson Trainers (2) (Primary color, white:black)
While we’re at it, just put the #34 on the back of the Bo
Jackson’s too. And cut down on the colorways. Bo’s
in white and pink are not gangsta. They’re blasphemy. Save
that for the Dunks.
Nike
- Deion Sanders Diamond Turf "The cow print
joints" (2) (Primary color, white:black)
You might not remember these, but you should. The white
ones were adorn with a red and the black with white. The design
of the second color kinda looked like that Gateway computer
cow-print thingy. Umm hmm, those. Small bubble around the heel.
Any pair of Nikes with a bubble back then put like two notches
in your social status. These just edged out the Huaraches, because
you can still find the "Fab 5's" favorite shoe and these
looked better anyway. The hook-up used to be either pair of these
and a ATL or SF Deion jersey during the day, then a quick switch
to the Freddy Krueger, red & black, Polo Rugby if you went
to the club later that night. Hey, they don't call me Tone
Fashion for nothing.
Reeboks - Phase 1 (Primary color, cream)
Yeah, I do like something besides Nikes; these, the cream joints.
Old school and plain. A white tee or wifebeater, pair of khaki
shorts and phase 1's and you’re straight on any summer day.
I loveded them.
Asics
- Tigers (Primary color, yellow)
The gold, white & blue ones. I remember dudes used to rock
these with fatigues. Something about the way they looked on your
feet was just raw. These were also a nice compliment to sweatpants.
New
Balance - 996 (Primary color, grey)
You can still get them some places, but they're trying to pass
574's off on you now in grey. No dice. Stop faking the funk.
Nike
- Flightposite 1's (3) (Primary color, gold:purple:black)
Yeah, back to Nike to wrap it up, so? They started going overboard
on these with v.2 and up, but the first ones were the best. I’ve
never seen a shoe make any pair of feet look so sweet. Wow, looking
back Nike really hurt dudes pockets, first the original Foams
then these Flightposites like a year and a half later, not to
mention those patent leather Jordans. I still have the silver
ones and all black ones. The black ones are tight, but I squeeze
into them every once in a while just to let people know it’s
not a game. Quick useless fact; did you know they used the gold
Flightposites in Spiderman for the Hobgoblin’s
costume? True story! Go check the DVD if you don't believe me.