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Black QB Bowl, Finally!
by: Arson Palmer for Sports At
approximately 6:25 pm eastern time on Sunday, February 6, wherever
I’m taking down buffalo wings and Corona’s, I think
I’m going to sneak off into a corner for a second and shed
a tear or two. Before you call me a sissy, understand that this
will mark one of my sports dreams finally being realized. This will
be a moment for me…
As Donovan McNabb failed for the 12th time in a row last year I thought of a plan that would yield a foolproof way of giving me the “Black QB Bowl.” Well that is after my sorry team, who was all but guaranteed to be sorry again this year lived up to expectations. (Hey, I’m a real fan. I ride with my team then move on, when all hope is lost) So about week seven, when my squad is sending scouts to USC and Auburn games I really start locking into what needs to be done to have the Black QB-Bowl realized. Teams in the NFC are being cooperative; Philly is dominating, Atlanta is separating and Minnesota and New Orleans are right in the thick of things. The AFC is another story, only one team has a viable candidate in Jacksonville’s Byron Leftwich, but even they are alive and kicking. So I closely followed the playoff races until the final weekend of the season where if things went right, we could have ended up with four black QB’s in the NFC playoffs and one in the AFC, As fate would have it, three made it from the NFC (McNabb, Vick, Culpepper) and none in the AFC. Right after Culpepper and Vick embarrassed the Packers and Seahawks I breathed a big sigh of relief. A chance, how wonderful! That’s all anyone really wants and now there’s a 50% chance that a black QB will win the Super Bowl. The NFC was really not of my concern any more, whoever won didn’t make a difference to me, mission accomplished. So I concentrated more on the AFC and a weak link that one of those NFC teams could beat. After all there was no chance of the Black QB Bowl happening since Leftwich didn’t even get in. It’s through watching those games that I stumbled upon an interesting query… Why in the hell does Tom Brady get no fucking respect?! Isn’t this guy like 8-0 in the playoffs? Doesn’t he have not only two Super Bowl wins, but MVP’s from those two Super Bowl wins? Didn’t he just derail the Manning wagon and Steelers bus in two weeks? If that was Brett Favre or the aforementioned Peyton Manning taking down powerhouses after winning two titles, there would be streets, holidays and creamy custards created and named after them for their accomplishments. The NFL and Madison Avenue even took rookie Ben Rothlesberger and slapped him on commercials (yeah we saw you sneak him in there all quick). A rookie for God’s sake! So we’re playing like that, well fine, I got something for y’all. I’ve thought long and hard about this, but I hereby decree this is my Black QB Bowl. How you ask, when only one of the two starting quarterbacks would be stopped south of the Mason Dixon line for simply driving a fancy sports car? Easy, I’m giving Tom Brady a black pass. Umm hmm, you heard me. I’m passing the Brady Bill. How? Why? Well, first and foremost he gets no damn respect, like a black QB. He’s been ignored for winning, like he’s black or got those rings in strike seasons against teams that were pieced together from the old USFL. Plus, I did some research and I found an interesting tidbit about brother Tom Brizzle. About a year or so ago, he was a judge in a Miss USA contest along with the likes of Jermaine Jackson. What’s so interesting is that modern technology allowed the viewers to catch every score the judges were putting up. Do I need to tell you who stood firm and gave up those high scores to the black P.Y.T’s on stage? YUP, that ‘Brizzle. He gave out more 9’s and 10’s to the sisters than Jermaine or any other judge for that matter. Yes people, the man is in touch with his melanin. He doesn’t try to act black either, (which is the first step to never getting a black pass) he just accepts the blatant overlooking and disrespect at the workplace despite his accomplishments and goes about his business, while telling our fine sisters how smart and beautiful they are… indirectly. And for that I commend him and present him with his black pass. I honestly
don’t know what I’m going to do on Super Bowl Sunday
(a.k.a the inaugural Black QB Bowl) when that game comes on. I
really don’t care who wins. Well, maybe a part of me wants
the Eagles to win, but I don’t care much for their team,
just the QB. Brady and the Patriots winning another one would
be just fine by me. I guess I can make a nice drink mixed with
the finest cognac and exotic fruit blends on hand and grab a seat
next to the single woman section and make witty remarks about
the commercials. Usually I’m in the front row with all of
the dudes who bet money, arguing about a call that’s costing
them c-notes, making myself care to cover up my frustration. I
don’t have to worry about that this year, though. None of
it; not a call, not a QB, not a dollar. I wonder who that Dollar
David dude has his money on. |
FIYA NBA Ranks: #9 |
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Back
in 1988 before I saw, cared or sniffed any of the constant bashing
of black quarterbacks for not being able to become championship
caliber leaders, I was an impressionable elementary school student.
I was swallowed whole by this propaganda the NFL was feeding myself
and the rest of the world about John Elway and his “three-amigo”
receivers. So when the Broncos were matched up against the Washington
Redskins in Super Bowl XXII, having that propaganda paired with
my love for one of the Redskins’ division rivals, I wanted
nothing more than for the Skins to lose and lose bad. I wanted
them to lose so much in fact, I did something that I never did
before or have done since; I bet on the game. Nothing serious,
but this kid at school, David-something kept on mimicking Doug
Williams throwing a big bomb to Ricky Sanders. It was only a dollar,
but that big teeth QB and his black-Mexican trio were going to
get me more than a monetary gain from this, they were going to
validate my asshole pass for the next five days in the hallways
of that school. I had this thing planned where I was going to
drop the dollar on the ground every time I saw David and dance
around it, snapping my fingers like I was at a Mexican festival.