FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

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“Nas killed Hip-Hop.”
-Soulja Boy
15-minute rapper, currently on
his 14th minute and counting.

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LoyalKnicksFan aka Patrick Walt Willis John Allan Johnson-Oakley-King the 3rd, is 31-year-old Yonkers native who was forced to move upstate, further away from MSG and the current state of the Knicks. He was fired by his employer in 1994 for refusing to work during the ‘94 Playoffs and NBA Finals which featured the New York Knicks. He blew the engine on his 1986 Dodge Caravan, racing home for the tip-off of game 5 of the 1995 playoffs between Indiana and New York. Written requests that Knicks management pay for the repairs for the vehicle were denied. During the 1997 NBA Season, he reduced his yearly income by 60% because he left work early every evening in order to watch what he thought was the New York Knicks team that would finally defeat Cheese Eyes and the Chicago Bulls. While most people resort to "Word to my moms" or "Word to god," Loyal is often heard saying, "Word to the Knicks."

Five Ways Zeke Can Save His Job
by: LoyalKnicksFan, for Sports

5. Trade anyone and everyone for five starting players from the Young Jewish Male Basketball League (YJMBL). After all, we do know who a majority of the season ticket holders are. Brooklyn put your curly sideburns up!

4. Point out that the only reason he signed Jerome James for $29 million was because Chris Mullin already signed Adonal (tin) Foyal to a $42 million dollar deal.

3. Murder Jerome James (damn he gets a lot of mentioning lately) then dedicate the rest of the season to finding the murderer(s) while perfecting his golf swing down in Florida.

2. Trade our #1 picks for the next 14 years to Al Qaeda for the draft rights to Osama Bin Laden...I know, but hear me out; the guy is 6'6 and George Bush hasn’t been able to get the deal done despite numerous attempts. Tell me you wouldn't love to hear Marv Albert exclaim, "The Knicks with a Curry-Laden, run!"

1. USE THE RACE CARD! The Black Man's Ultimate (and only!) Trump Card! Knicks fans might be pissed at Zeke, but I can assure you that if he pulls this card out he will have every Knicks fan of color on his side (well, most of 'em, anyway). Chris Mullin, Danny Ainge and Larry Bird are all horrible GM's, why are they not on the "hot seat" like Zeke? What do those three managers have in common besides horrible haircuts? They are white! I know if these crackers were backing me into a corner like this, I'd pull that that card out quicker than a Draw-Four in a game of UNO. What's better than pissin' white people off while receiving blatant support from your people? Nothing! Well, except saving your job!

Direct all questions, comments and/or idle threats to inzekewetrust@hotmail.com