Bucks
- B
Key Player(s) acquired: Andrew Bogut - C
Bogut was the safe pick. I don't necessarily blame them, but
that doesn't mean I have to drop down to my knees and praise
them in the name of Luc Longley for it. They got a Turkey
in the second round. If he fully recovers from a past ankle
injury, he can be a good PF in a few years. No, seriously,
Ersan Ilyasova, their second pick, is from Turkey.
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Hawks
- A
Key Player(s) acquired: Marvin Williams - SF/PF, Salim Stoudamire
- PG
What do you get when you take the brightest prospect barely
out of highschool and combine him with the best shooter in
the draft? Check the grade.
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Jazz
- C+
Key Player(s) acquired: Deron Williams - PG
They gave too much up just to move a few spots and get probably
the second and possibly the third best PG in the draft. Seriously,
Portland got enough draft picks from this trade to suit up
a team to take on all the second string Temptations. Deron
better keep that weight off and ball his ass off.
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Hornets
- A
Key Player(s) acquired: Chris Paul - PG, Brandon Bass - PF
A few months ago, Chris Paul was the best player available
in the draft. Nothing has changed as far as that is concerned
in the months that have followed. Zeke #2 was a steal at #4.
Bass was an solid pick in the second round.
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Bobcats
- A+
Key Player(s) acquired: Raymond Felton - PG, Sean May - PF
Two picks and you get two winners who have three years working
experience together. Bob Johnson was partying with Will and
Jada at the B.E.T. Awards. Probably because he knew he had
somebody with some sense making picks in New York via Charlotte.
So what the hell is Toronto's excuse?
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Trailblazers
- A+
Key Player(s) acquired: Martell Webster - SG, Jarrett Jack
- PG
Official pimps of the '05 NBA draft. What they did with their
picks was the equivalent of Lil Mook flipping a few foodstamps
on the block into enough money to take his entire family out
to dinner at Legal Seafood that same night.
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Raptors
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Charlie Villanueva - SF/PF, Joey Graham
- SF
Ever see the episode of Seinfeld where Jerry professes he
always ends up "Even Steven?" Well, that's the Raptors
here. Joey Graham was worth the 7th pick they used on Charlie
no-brows, while C-N-B was possibly worth the 16th pick they
used on Graham. No, wait... It still doesn't make it even.
Confused? So is Chris Bosh.
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Knicks
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Channing Frye - C, Nate Robinson -
PG
Got any sprinkles for these two softies (Frye, David Lee)?
Let's be fair, Frye could be Marcus Camby without the injuries
and annoying one-hour facial hair-shadow. How hairy is that
guy? His barber must make a fortune and need it for new clippers
every month. Anyway, if the Nate Robinson pick is true, we
can move this to a C+. Sleeper.
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Warriors
- D
Key Player(s) acquired: Ike Diogu - PF, Monta Ellis - PG
Seems like the Warriors keep an ugly rugged rebounder don't
they? Didn't notice. Well did you notice, Diogu was drafted
too high and Monta Ellis is a gunner on a team full of gunners?
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Lakers
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Andrew Bynum - C, Ronny Turiaf - PF
Watching Gerald Green drop in this draft was like watching
Mike Williams drop in the NFL
draft earlier this year. When the Lakers passed on him
here, I jumped on-line and read somewhere that a few teams
found out he likes to punch puppies and World War II widows
in their stomachs. Andrew Bynum is Mitch's do or die pick.
In two years if he isn't on his way, Jerry Buss and/or some
crazy Laker fan will have him murdered him. And what's worse
is he will have already been fired for a year. Turiaf looks
like a Phil Jax pick.
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Magic
- D
Key Player(s) acquired: Fran Vasquez - PF, Travis Diener -
PG
Hey, it's a Euro with potential. I remember you guys. You
were alot more popular when all general managers were dumb.
Hey, Travis, ever met Bryce Drew?... No reason. |
Clippers
- D
Key Player(s) acquired: - Yaroslav Korolev - SF, Daniel Ewing
- SG
Heard of that new board game the NBA just put out? It's just
like Chutes and Ladders, except David Stern calls his version
Euro's & Dookies. No, wait, it's Dookies & Euro's.
One of the two. Anyhow, Ewing has been underrated his whole
career, but he went a bit high.
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Timberwolves
- B-
Key Player(s) acquired: Rashad McCants - SG, Bracey Wright
- SG
The nail in Latrell's wooden send off box. They don't even
want him to think about coming back. Crazy 'Cants made the
Wolves decision that much easier when he made 9,999,999 out
of 10,000,001 3-pointers in a workout, recently.
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Nets
- B+
Key Player(s) acquired: Antoine Wright - SG, Mile Ilic - C
Wright was a great pick because it makes Jefferson expendable.
That's big. So is that Euro Center. I'm not a big fan of them,
but they got Krstic right, so who the hell am I to say they
aren't right a-friggin-gain?
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Pacers
- A
Key Player(s) acquired: Danny Granger - SF
How... did... Danny... Granger... Fall... This... Far... ?...
Depending on how soon he can develop, they'll be trading Ron-Ron
to team Circuit City for X-Box 360's for every Pacer locker.
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Celtics
- A
Key Player(s) acquired: Gerald Green - SG
Assuming that Nasty puppy rumor isn't true (*See Laker
Analysis), this could turn out to be the steal of the
draft. This guy's vertical measured at 43 inches at a recent
workout. Who jumps like that besides Spiderman and Jackie
Chan? This shit fell into Danny Ainge's lap like a bad hair
day.
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Grizzlies
- C+
Key Player(s) acquired: Hakim Warrick - PF
The Logo said they needed some rebounding and Hakim is Windex
with a headband. I dunno how much he can help them win, though.
This team needs to lose alot for a whole season so they can
get some real help.
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Nuggets
- D
Key Player(s) acquired: Julius Hodge - SG, Linas
Kleiza - SF
I like Hodge, I just don't like players who don't do any one
thing extremely well. And I don't know what he does extremely
well. They shoulda kept Jack too. 'Dre hates Melo and it will
never work. Kiki gotta know this.
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Suns
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Marcin Gortat - C
Bye, bye trade bait-Nate. They did get a Polish Center. Hey,
that sounds like a new combo at Frank & Steins.
|
Kings
- D
Key Player(s) acquired: Francisco Garcia - SG
Maybe it's just me, but when I watched Garcia play for Louisville
I saw a slightly better shooting, slower Reece Gaines out
there. And... well, we all know how that turned out in the
pros.
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Rockets
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Luther Head - PG
The Rockets needed a PG more than I need silence whenever
Ozzy Osbournes is saying anything, but Luther Head really
isn't the playmaker Yao needs. I suppose they had to make
this pick, though. I thought Diener would have been a better
pick for them. Perhaps this was too high, but he's a real
PG and Houston is athletic enough to hide him on defense.
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Supersonics
- C+
Key Player(s) acquired: Johan Petro - C
All these French dudes need to give Tony Parker 15% of their
first NBA check. He has put them on to good paying jobs like
your local metro city's most reputable contractor. I mean,
it's.... WHOLY SHIT LAWRENCE ROBERTS! Damn, that's too bad,
guy. You went from like first round to not mention at all
(#55).
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Pistons
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Jason Maxiell - PF
Another undersized PF in the mold of Big Nasty... That nickname
has always bothered me. I think that's the last time I'm gonna
use it... See? You can get dumb jokes from it if you're pressed
enough. Amir Johnson can sit next to Darko for the next three
years.
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Spurs
- B
Key Player(s) acquired: Ian Mahinmi - PF
He's an international player and he got drafted by the Spurs.
I'm probably shortchanging him with the B.
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Heat
- B
Key Player(s) acquired: Wayne Simien - PF
Haslem will probably bolt for a payday. This was not only
good because of that, but because Simien slipped a bit. He
should play well next to that Shaq guy.
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76ers
- D
Key Player(s) acquired: Louis Williams - SG
Undersized SG who can't really shoot. I know it was a second
round pick, but jeez the Sixer scouts didn't even show up.
Allen should bring this up at the next practice. (I'm sorry!)
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Bulls
- N/A
Key Player(s) acquired: Nada one
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Cavaliers
- N/A
Key Player(s) acquired: Nope
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Wizards
- C
Key Player(s) acquired: Andray Blatche - C
Seeing as though they didn't have a first round pick, this
high schooler with size was a nice gamble.
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Mavericks
- N/A
Key Player(s) acquired: Beat it. We're done, here.
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