FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

-

“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

Comments on content?
email us

Wanna submit something?
*read this page

Linwood Jenkins

--Standing 6-4, 220 pounds, Linwood was the star center for Mary McLeod Bethune High School in Bucktown, Alabama, a small community of approximately 250 African-Americans that is located right outside of Adulasia. According to the school’s official scorekeeper, Linwood’s uncle, Sylvester, Linwood averaged 76 points, 48 rebounds, 43 blocks, 34 steals and 2 assists a game during his senior season. “The boy just had a gift. People say he only dominated like he did because he was four inches taller than the next tallest kid, but that ain’t have nothing to do with it. He could stand still and dunk that ball from the free throw line. He shot 98% percent from the line because of that.” Sylvester also adds that Linwood wasn’t selected to play in the 1982, where he would have faced Cheese Eyes McDonald’s All-American game “because of racism.”

Get your weekly dose of professional basketball rankings and rants, right here with our main man, Linny J.
(*updated through the previous Saturday, morons)

FIYA NBA Rankings #19
Rank	Team	FIYA Analysis
1	Spurs	Do yourself a favor and stop looking for reasons this team won't win it all.
2	Pistons	Without checking the stats, I can guarantee you that 'Sheed has more career technicals than Jason Kidd has career triple-doubles.
3	Mavs	Dirk and Peyton Manning have started a children's charity called: "The 4th Quarter to help children put themselves in the best possible position to ultimately fail foundation"
4	Heat	The Wade 4 MVP wagon got started a little too late for my taste.
5	Suns	Looks at Nash Rookie Cards happier than Sardo Numspa looking down at the Golden Child while holding the Ajanti dagger
6	Clippers	If Maggette can play like he played pre-injury, I'm considering giving this team a real shot to knock off the Spurs, because of Kaman's emergence and Cassell's beautiful smile.
7	Grizzlies	Sources tell me that Battier turned down an endorsement deal with Tyco because they wanted to use his scalp to show of their newest all-terrain remote controlled truck. I don't blame him. I wouldn't want no toy truck riding over my damn head either. It's demeaning.
8	Nuggets	Carmelo could become the first ALL-NBA player to not make the All-star team.
9	Nets	Does anyone else get sick of seeing Kidd's 6 point 11 rebound and 12 assists performances. How can you be so active and score 6 points?!?!?
10	Cavs	Flip Murray's spotty head done saved this choking city's post season dreams. Cleveland, Nike and David Stern owe his mother three wishes plus a $100 gift certificate to the NBA store.
11	Lakers	He aint passing, because he's open.
12	Hornets	Why does J.R. Smith think Byron Scott is just playing with him? Byron ain't giving you the job next year either, J.R. How 'bout earning it?
13	Pacers	So, what misfortune will the Pacers have to endure next year to keep the focus off the fact that this team was a title contender when Bird and Carlisle took over?
14	Kings	I bet Ron Ron looks funny as hell when he eating fried chicken. Grease all everywhere. And you know he uses it for his hair, as cheap as he is.
15	76ers	Getting hurt a little more frequently I see. O-L-D.
16	Wizards	Gilbert Arenas had better stay on the media's good side, before they expose him for what he is.a 24 year-old Stephon Marbury.
17	Jazz	BoozGotPaid: Mitch, my trade value gotta be up now. Pull the trigger this summer. You won't regret it.
18	Bucks	I think TJ Ford has hit his ceiling. I'm not the only one who thought it was higher.
19	Rockets	That's what they get for ending Mac's sessions with Jim Brown too early.
20	Bulls	I must say it again, if Paxon drafts Deng's replacement, he's truly his brother's brother.
21	T-Wolves	Asked about the recent upswing in rookie Rashad McCants' game, KG stated, "Yeah, man. He's really coming along. I can tell he's gotten a better understanding as the season has progressed and I look forward to playing against him next year. I'm happy for the kid."
22	Warriors	Mike Montgomery could be in the sweet 16 right now and I think he knows it. There's a sadness in that mans eyes.
23	Celtics	Lost in the celebration of Ryan Gomes' unexpected mediocrity is Al Jefferson's pathetic regression. Ugh.and Perkins.why bother?
24	Sonics	Ray Allen is taking that same stuff Matt McConaughey took. If I go bald, I'm calling that nigga.
25	Magic	I know he has a serious injury and all, but the bottom-line is that Grant has a stomach ache. Damn, G. retire with some dignity. Shit, you black. Don't be like Lying Larry with that towel on his hot ass back.
26	Raptors	Chuck and Chris will rule east in two years.because they'll be shooting Godzilla movies in Japan. smile Anyone mad?
27	Blazers	I hear Steve Blake and Telfair had a brief scuffle when Blake made light of the fact that he's the starting PG, but he doesn't have a movie like Telfair does. Telfair, unfazed, responded "But you do have a movie out, remember? Burt Reynolds? Ned Beatty?...you were on that porch." Blake lunged at him and got fucked up worse than when John Gilchrist fucked him up. I dunno why that boy thinks he can beat out black guys for their spots and then not get beat down, I don't care how many Madness shirts he gets for free.
28	Hawks	Be honest: You thought the Suns' system made Joe Johnson look better than he really is. Yes, you did.
29	Knicks	Insiders tell me Bronze Brown and Steph squashed their beef after Isiah paid Minister Farrakahn $10 million to mediate. Hey, Dolan approved it. Don't be mad at Zeke.
30	Bobcats	Damn, did Chuck Norris chop Emeka on his legs or something? I thought it was a sprain.

FiyaStarter's Top 10 Rookie Watch

Chris Paul
(16.2 PPG, 8.0 APG): So, does this mean Wake Forrest will now
put out the best player at a particular position, once a decade?

Charlie Villanueava
(12.4 PPG, 6.0 RPG): Too bad Chris Bosh can't take him with him,
when he bolts.

Channing Frye
(12.4 PPG, 5.7 RPG): Well, Starbury is getting his minutes, and he's
already paid. Now Channing, he has the real beef with Larry.

Raymond Felton
(10.3 PPG, 4.7 APG): I've never seen a guy looking so tired all
the time, yet still out-race the whole other team.

Andrew Bogut
(7.7 PPG, 7.2 RPG): With Morrison coming in next year, he'll
have to step his hair game up.

Deron Williams
(10.1 PPG, 4.0 APG): Goddamn, them 28 points came outta nowhere!

Danny Granger
(7.5 PPG, 5.0 RPG): You thinkin what I'm thinkin? That Carlisle kinda
Larry Brown'd Danny the first half of the season?

Sarunas Jasikevicius
(8.0 PPG, 3.1 APG): So he really is engaged to Miss Universe?
I guess if Jermaine can have Janet, anything is possilbe.

Marvin Williams
(7.5 PPG, 4.8 RPG): Now that Marvin has adjusted to the pussy
in Atlanta, he's starting to put up respectable numbers.

Salim Stoudamire
(9.8 PPG, 1.9 RPG): If he gets to two dimes per, I'll abstain for a month