FIYA
NBA
Power Rankings
**SEASON PREVIEW** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA
Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
|
Tim
Duncan has a white wife, three championship rings and he's
allowed to throw the word "retarded" around with the PC
police fucking with him. He's not hated enough and I don't
know why. |
2 |
Pacers
|
I'm
only putting them this high, because it amplifies the failures
of Carlisle and Bird
in getting this team to the NBA finals...again. |
3 |
Heat
|
Shaq
put on 20 pounds of muscle, everyone. If I were a cynical
person, I'd say Shaq's fat ass done went and got fat again
and they're just calling it muscle to fool everyone. |
4 |
Nuggets
|
Let's
just say Carmelo drops 23, 7 and 4 this year and takes his
team to the Conference finals? Do you think anyone would
say he's better than Hinrich or Bosh, let alone LeBron or
Wade? Right, because that's exactly what's gonna happen.
|
5 |
Pistons
|
Darko's sorry
and somebody is getting hurt this year. They're due for
an injury. |
6 |
Rockets
|
If
Yao gets double-digit boards, they should be given the title,
because the odds are against both things happening. |
7 |
Mavericks
|
See
Dirk Shoot. See Dirk not defend. See Dirk blame others.
|
8 |
Kings
|
(*See
86-91 Cleveland Browns) Windows gotta close sometime. |
9 |
Bucks
|
TJ
Ford, his neck. |
10 |
Nets
|
They've
got three and a half good players. And of those three and
a half, three have a history of injuries. |
11 |
Grizzlies
|
They're
gonna Team Ball their way to 47 wins and people are gonna
be mad and not understand. GOOD! |
12 |
Wizards
|
Gilbert
Arenas. (*See Dan Fouts 80-84) Empty stats. |
13 |
Lakers
|
Kwame
Brown. 15 points, 8 rebounds, 1.5 assists and 1.5 blocks.
Book it. |
14 |
Cavaliers
|
Big
Z will set an NBA record for getting dunked on, as Hughes
and 'Bron will repeatedly leave him exposed, as they go
for steals in passing lanes. Should be fun to watch. |
15 |
Sonics
|
I
don't like playing this team on 2K6. They be dropping 3s
like crazy. |
16 |
Knicks
|
Isiah
is going to trade the trainer and a towel boy for Ratliff
and get criticized for it by Chad Ford. |
17 |
T-Wolves
|
When
is Garnett going to punch McHale
in the face? And when is Garnett gonna turn 30? Damn. He
been 28 for five years. |
18 |
Warriors
|
This
team actually has a lot of talent. And? |
19 |
Jazz
|
Their
season rests with Deron Williams. |
20 |
Suns
|
Amare
ain't playing this year. MVP that shit. |
21 |
76ers
|
Shit,
Iverson's 30. Why ain't Garnett 30? |
22 |
Bulls
|
They
lack heart this season. Eh? NOPE!!!! It's funny. |
23 |
Clippers
|
Cuttino
and Sam versus Elton and Corey. A fight to the death! |
24 |
Magic
|
Grant
Hill's hurt again. Steve Francis is a ball hog. Dwight Howard
will have a monster season despite it all. Why? Because
he's a black Christian. Black Christians always do well
in sports. |
25 |
Trail
Blazers
|
Jarrett
Jack versus Sebastian Telfair. Another fight to the death!
Oh, and those Terp guards are sorry. No more home crowd
to convince them they're good when they're not. They asses
getting booed. GOOD! |
26 |
Hawks
|
With
all this young talent, GMs around the league are gonna pick
this team apart in the next two years. |
27 |
Bobcats
|
With
all this young talent, GMs around the league are gonna pick
this team apart in the next two years. |
28 |
Celtics
|
Two
players. |
29 |
Hornets
|
Chris
Paul and J.R. will became staples on SportsCenter. |
30 |
Raptors
|
Chris
Bosh looks like a dinosaur. |
