FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Linwood Jenkins

--Standing 6-4, 220 pounds, Linwood was the star center for Mary McLeod Bethune High School in Bucktown, Alabama, a small community of approximately 250 African-Americans that is located right outside of Adulasia. According to the school’s official scorekeeper, Linwood’s uncle, Sylvester, Linwood averaged 76 points, 48 rebounds, 43 blocks, 34 steals and 2 assists a game during his senior season. “The boy just had a gift. People say he only dominated like he did because he was four inches taller than the next tallest kid, but that ain’t have nothing to do with it. He could stand still and dunk that ball from the free throw line. He shot 98% percent from the line because of that.” Sylvester also adds that Linwood wasn’t selected to play in the 1982, where he would have faced Cheese Eyes McDonald’s All-American game “because of racism.”

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FIYA NBA Rankings PLAYOFF PREVIEW EDITION: The Finals
Team Match Up	FIYA Analysis
Mavs (4) vs Heat (2)	Fiya Matchup: Shaq v. The Refs
	Team Sparks: Josh Howard, Giggles Walker
	Series Fiya Starter(s): Dirk, Wade
	Series Fiya Moment: Zo's reaction either way
	Sadly, my friends, it’s come up on that bummer time of the year for you, I and every other round ball fan across the globe. The time when only one question remains for us all to have answered per results of the NBA Finals. Yes, it’s the time of year when we all find out how buck fucking wild Zo Mourning will go upon finding out whether he’ll get a ring or not. Up until now, it’s been a forgone conclusion that his ass was never gonna win shit and he was coming back every year for his health…no, that’s not right, because actually he was coming back not for his health. You know his kidneys were messed up. I’m sure those kidneys hate his guts. I mean he’s out there getting fatigued and them kidneys are all “Damn, dude why the hell you care more about a friggin ring than us, we held you down for over 30 years, We almost died nigga! And you just gonna…” Linwood tangent, sorry. Ok, let’s get this Finals thing out of the way so we can finish talking about Zo. So, Dirk is going to get his and Wade is going to get his, big newsflash, right? No, but let me tell you what you do need to know: the 2006 Finals will be decided in either five or six games by an NBA officiating crew. If they let Shaq run people over, Miami will win and a quarter of the population in Los Angeles will find the nearest body of water to jump in looking for sharks to snap their asses up rather than deal with Shaq getting the last laugh on Mr. Bean. If the refs don’t let Shaq run people over, Dirk will engineer a German lead attack on South Beach soil giving the Mavs their first title and Mark Cuban will purchase every world wide web domain that have the words Charles and Barkley in them and place a series of pictures with the word "OWN3D" watermarked throughout. It’s that simple. I guess if Josh Howard’s teeth continue to play well, it increases the chances of the Mavs, just as the Heats’ chances are raised if Giggles Walker continues to step up. I figure that and all of the other players like Stack, Posey and the Jason’s will even each other out over the length of the series, but it’s really about how Shaq is officiated. Now, what Dallas can do to help make it easier for themselves is run the Heat up and down the court so Shaq will tire quicker and be more prone to run people over. The only team Dallas didn’t want to run against was the Suns and they even ran them off their home court, so they would want to continue that against Miami who have been running on teams every chance they’ve gotten this post season. There’s no way they can do it against Dallas though. They’ve got more firepower than Nicole Murphy when she walks into court with Eddie’s fortune in her sights. Having said that, the refs can’t keep Shaq down. He sees the Whopper at the end of the assembly line on Lincoln Road. He will not be denied. Miami in five. Now back to Zo, I’m gonna really miss not being able to talk about him for the next three months, or possibly for good if the Heat win...holy Lord, if they win, he’s really going to retire! Nah, fuck that, they can’t win. He’s gotta come back again, next year. I can’t go an NBA season without watching and talking about Zo flexing and fucking people up in a blind bamma rage to become a champion. I know I could just go to one of his summer Jazz weekends, but he might actually recognize me and run up on and kill me in front of people. That would be embarrassing, so that’s out.
	Pick: Dallas in six