FIYA NBA
Rankings #1 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
Will Tony Parker ever average 7+ assists? Is that too much to ask from a supposed elite PG? |
2 |
Jazz
 |
SloanSince85: Hey, Booz. What's up, buddy?
Auto response: BoozGotPaid: NOOOOPE!!! |
3 |
Lakers
 |
Mmmmhuh. Y'all thought they were gonna lose Kobe's first game back. He only makes them better. Cry about it. GOOD! |
4 |
Clippers
 |
I see Dunleavy's dumb ass went right back to Sam to get him some wins. The best move Elgin could make is letting Sam coach this team next year. |
5 |
Heat
 |
Sure, I could drop them a few more spots, but I'll save myself the hassle of a few more cut and pastes in this here Excel next week. |
6 |
Pistons
 |
People got all happy, ready to rant about how they needed Big Ben. Are you done, people? |
7 |
Hornets
 |
Chris Paul is so good, I'm gonna try to watch him play while I'm poking my girl. I know, it sounds gay, but damn...it's gonna be pleasurable. It worked for Costanza. |
8 |
76ers
 |
A.I. is Rocky. He ain't leaving Philly. Ever. He's got a heart bigger than a million black Grandmothers. |
9 |
Cavs
 |
Jordan wouldn't lose to a sorry team after dominating the best team in the league. It was asked "Is Lebron Mean Enough?"...the fuck you think? |
10 |
Mavs
 |
If they lose two over the next week, I will put them in the bottom five. |
11 |
Suns
 |
I'm just happy Amare got his money. And I'm happier it was the cap-conscious Suns who signed him. Suffer, bitches. The window is closing faster than Darrell Green on Tony Dorsett. |
12 |
Rockets
 |
Battier and Mac locked Dirk's big ass up. |
13 |
Kings
 |
Kenny Thomas and Shareef are holding this team back like thugs hold back educated sistas...and it makes me madder, because at least the Kings would get rid of them if they could. |
14 |
Pacers
 |
I wish Tinsley and J.O. would hurry up and get hurt, so I can start making people mad. |
15 |
T-Wolves
 |
I just have this image of Ben Stein in my head saying, "Foye?...Foye?...Foye?...Foye?" |
16 |
Bucks
 |
Bogut and Chuck need to star in a buddy-cop comedy. |
17 |
Nets
 |
Is there another team that will become awful so quickly? Vince isn't re-signing. No big men. Kidd's old. It's really too bad. |
18 |
Bulls
 |
Watch Kirk Hinrich. Don't read about him. Watch him. He's not that good and he's damn sure not consistently good. He's just another pass-first, lose-ultimately PG. |
19 |
Magic
 |
I told you last week. This team is all about Jameer and he sucked ass after that opening night win, and they lost both games. Is he a championship guard? I have my doubts. |
20 |
Wizards
 |
If Ben and Jerry's named a flavor after Deshawn Stevenson, it'd be called "Pint O' Shit." |
21 |
Hawks
 |
If they had Marcus Williams, they'd be 3-0. Right? |
22 |
Nuggets
 |
Um, they're sorry and all, but Yella Boi got some bounce back in his legs. |
23 |
Knicks
 |
Channing Frye is an Arizona big man. I think that about sums up his manhood. |
24 |
Sonics
 |
Can Ray Allen pretend to be happy in Seattle longer than he pretended to not be balding? I don't think so. |
25 |
Blazers
 |
Jack, Webster, Outlaw. Good days are not too far away. |
26 |
Warriors
 |
|
27 |
Grizzlies
 |
You'd have better luck guessing when Willard Scott is gonna wear his toupee' than you would guessing if Rudy Gay will play hard from game to game. |
28 |
Bobcats
 |
Guys who have Adam Morrison on their fantasy team are the same guys who think it's okay put $5 on a $150 tab, just because he's a cool guy and people like having them around. |
29 |
Raptors
 |
Having T.J. Ford will add about three more points on to Bosh's scoring average. |
30 |
Celtics
 |
Blaming Doc Rivers for the state of this franchise is like blaming Colin Powell for all the dumb shit Bush has done. When you get handed shit, you can make all the shitaide want, because it's still gonna be a big steamy, frothy glass of shit. |
