FIYA NBA
Rankings #2 |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA Analysis |
1 |
Spurs
 |
I'm pretty sure Bowen won't be allowed to give anyone else an ankle injury this year. Everyone's watching. |
2 |
Jazz
 |
Boozer is playing like an ugly, ambidextrous, lightskinned black man, with a body like a young Nikita Koloff, feet like Gregory Hines and a bed of chest hair that looks like remnants of Samuel L. Jackson hair piece in Unbreakable. That's one bad ass motherfucker right there. We see you, Booz. |
3 |
Clippers
 |
The following prediction will cement my place as the best basketball analyst in the world: Shaun Livingston will have a breakout year.after Sam Cassell retires next season. BOOK IT!!! Nobody else has predicted that. I'mma GENIUS!!! |
4 |
Heat
 |
Did anyone else notice Wade give Shaq the "How many years you got left on your contract?" face against New Jersey? |
5 |
Rockets
 |
T-Mac says he feels old. Yeah, being old is gonna be a good excuse for 27 year-old max player who still hasn't gotten his team out of the first round. Way to plant that seed, T-Mac. Too bad I'm not fucking stupid!!! PLAY SOME BALL, BITCH!!! |
6 |
Hawks
 |
Steve Nash is still making Joe Johnson a better player from 2000 miles away. |
7 |
Magic
 |
After benching Grant Hill as a precautionary measure, Coach Brian Hill released this statement to G. Hill's fantasy owners: GOT YO ASS, SUCKAS! |
8 |
Cavs
 |
Man, they need to let Big Z wear some skates or something, so he can keep up with everyone else. |
9 |
Kings
 |
You know why Shareef is so damn soft? He got freckles. You can't be gully on them blocks with freckles. |
10 |
Pacers
 |
Al Harrington's mohawk is intended to placate Pacers fans by having them believe they still have a crazy nigga at small forward. |
11 |
Hornets
 |
I'm watching Chris Paul not be better than Deron Williams right now. It's funny. He's got 6 TOs right now. |
12 |
Bulls
 |
Have mercy and trade Ben Gordon. Skiles is treating Ben like he's a side ho. |
13 |
Lakers
 |
Look, I gotta call it like I see it.Kobe is fuckin' this team up.hahahahahaha. Odom fantasy owners gotta hate Kobe right now. Kobe be shootin'.hahahahahahaha.hold up, that joint creepin'.hahahahaha.he keep shootin'.LMAO!!! |
14 |
Blazers
 |
Zach is only playing this well because the All-Star game is in Vegas. He workin' hard for them whores. |
15 |
Warriors
 |
Nellie found out what I already knew: Dunleavy cannot be productive when on the court with Baron and Richardson. He'll thrive with the second unit. |
16 |
Wizards
 |
Brendan had to learn the hard way not to fuck with Etan's beeswax. |
17 |
Nets
 |
I wonder how many assists Kidd is losing each year NJ doesn't have a legit big man. |
18 |
Pistons
 |
Naz, I defended you!!! And you still couldn't score. Eh? Eh?
*Don Rickles shuffle* |
19 |
76ers
 |
Webber runs just like Jason Vorhees right now, slow as hell, but right on time. |
20 |
Mavs
 |
Damn, is Josh Howard really this good? Is Devin Harris really this bad? |
21 |
Nuggets
 |
If they can keep Melo and J.R. Smith together, they will be the biggest asshole tandem in the NBA since Laimbeer and Rodman. |
22 |
Suns
 |
Thanks to Steve Nash's incredible work ethic, Boris Diaw is finally rounding into shape and Amare looks healthy. |
23 |
Bucks
 |
They need a PG. They don't need Charlie. |
24 |
T-Wolves
 |
Asked to explain how, after years of incompetence, he's not only kept his job, but somehow tricked several analysts into blaming KG for the Wolves' lack of playoff success, Kevin McHale shrugged and said: "I'm white." |
25 |
Knicks
 |
Isiah needs to turn those guards loose all game and if Eddy and Frye wanna touch the ball, let them get some fucking rebounds. That'll fix all the bullshit right there. |
26 |
Sonics
 |
Nick Collison is finally playing like everyone thought he would.average. |
27 |
Grizzlies
 |
I swear I'd rather watch Oprah and Gayle talk about menopause than watch this team play. |
28 |
Raptors
 |
|
29 |
Bobcats
 |
Why do Felton fans blame Brevin Knight, like he's supposed to play horrible or some shit, just to make it clear Felton is the team's best PG? |
30 |
Celtics
 |
The way Doc helplessly subbed and call timeouts, trying to prevent the inevitable collapse against the Cavs, was proof that they are sorry no matter who coaches them. That shit looked like Live '95 when the computer started cheating on you. |
