FiyaStarter.com - Linwood Jenkins

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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--Standing 6-4, 220 pounds, Linwood was the star center for Mary McLeod Bethune High School in Bucktown, Alabama, a small community of approximately 250 African-Americans that is located right outside of Adulasia. According to the school’s official scorekeeper, Linwood’s uncle, Sylvester, Linwood averaged 76 points, 48 rebounds and 43 blocks, 34 steals and 2 assists a game during his senior season. “The boy just had a gift. People say he only dominated like he did because he was four inches taller than the next tallest kid, but that ain’t have nothing to do with it. He could stand still and dunk that ball from the free throw line. He shot 98% percent from the line because of that.” Sylvester adds that Linwood wasn’t selected to play in the 1982, where he would have faced Cheese Eyes McDonald’s All-American game “because of racism.”

NBA Power Rankings
by: Linwood Jenkins, for Sports
updated 2/17/05

1. Spurs: Some are saying they got rid of a big part of their heart and soul when they sent Malik Rose to the Knicks. I say he was a scrub.

2. Heat: They kneed Shaq.

3. Suns: They ain't going nowhere in the playoffs. You know that, right?

4. SuperSonics: Shooting all those three, they can either win the title or be gone in round one. Who knows.

5. Rockets: I've never seen a title contender need a point guard so badly.

6. Pistons: They got it rolling now. Their backcourt has the biggest teeth and their frontcourt has the nappiest hair.

7. Mavericks: Mark just keeps Cuban B'ing anyone that tells him that defense wins titles

8. Bulls: I can't believe I put them this high either.

9. Kings: Cuttino ain't think about Steve Francis' pathetic ass.

10. Celtics: Only a white man can be praised for trading a player and taking him back in an 18 month span. ONLY a white man.

11. Grizzlies: This collection of pressed ass players will ruin someone's playoffs. You watch. THEY PRESSED!!!!

12. Cavaliers: It's Drew Gooden time, y'all. Time to be soft and disappear after the break.

13. Nuggets: Whatever Karl said to Melo worked.

14. Wizards: They're starting to fall apart. 'Bout time

15. 76ers: When Webber and AI come to DC, there will be so many ho's in Downtown DC, all y'all dudes have to do is show up and say "Hi, I'm heterosexual." I know I am.

16. Pacers: If this team doesn't make the playoffs, Bird should be fired. But, he's white, so...

17. Nets: Vince is laughing last. His team may end up there.

18. Magic: Steve Francis = Defeat's Disciple. Dude has more turnovers than an orgy.

19. Lakers: Something ain't right with this team.

20. Timberwolves: Only a white man could get away with ruining the prime years of Garnett's career. ONLY a white man.

21. Bucks: Who cares?

22. Clippers: So?

23. Raptors: Jalen Rose surpassed his Daddy on the all-time scoring list. DYN-O-MITE!

24. Trail Blazers: Too talented to be so bad. Paul Allen don't care.

25. Knicks: They are tanking for a high pick. Nice.

26. Jazz: See Knicks.

27. Warriors: See Jazz

28. Hornets: See Warriors.

29. Bobcats: Okafor is a beast.

30. Hawks: Pathetic.