FIYA
NFL Rankings
**Week 8** |
Rank |
Team |
FIYA
Analysis |
1 |
Colts
|
Now
we all know Indy is a really good team, but if they tank next
week against their fathers, the Pats, we're sitting them right
next to the Bengals at
Thanksgiving dinner. |
2 |
Steelers
|
Hines
Ward might not have a new contract or any rhythm, but that
boy sure plays hard, don't he? |
3 |
Falcons
|
Mike
Vick caught a Va. Tech game, last weekend, where he saw his
brother pass with more accuracy than he has in the past three
years. Guess what? He's still 5-1, this year. |
4 |
Seahawks
|
Shawn
Alexander sat out the week and everyone who had him in fantasy
football still played him. He rewarded them with two points. |
5 |
Giants
|
If
you're a Giants fan, you want somebody important to die the
week of the next Philly and Dallas game. |
6 |
Broncos
|
If
Denver loses that game to the Eagles after being up 28, the
rocky mountain air chokes the eight players that haven't already
choked to death on the field. |
7 |
Bengals
|
So
lemme get this right, Cincy picked off Brett Favre five times
and they only won by a touchdown? Alrighty then.In other news,
Chad Johnson will never admit somebody locked his ass up,
even if they had a polaroid of him in cuffs. |
8 |
Panthers
|
*Memo
to Paul Tagliabue: If you book Steve Smith's ticket to Hawaii
now, you'll save a gang of money for that advance airfare. |
9 |
Eagles
|
*Looks
at Indy's defensive rank, especially against the run*.
*Looks at Philly's defensive rank, especially against the
run*.
*Wonders if Corey Simon has anything to do with this*.
*Wonders if second Chipotle burritto will put him
out for 48 hours* |
10 |
Cowboys
|
Who
the hell is Marion Barber III and when do you think Julius
Jones will put a hit out on him? |
11 |
Patriots
|
Yeah,
I know, Tedy Ted's gonna make it real funky for you...Having
said that, let's just see how Nice
N Smooth his comeback is against Indy, next week. |
12 |
Jaguars
|
How
the fuck did Jax lose to a team without their starting QB
(Bulger) and two best receivers (Bruce & Holt)? Oh yeah, dumb
ass Mike Martz ("Coach") wasn't there either. |
13 |
Chargers
|
This
team is harder to read than a big breasted chick showing cleavage
in a business suit. Antonio Gates is even harder to cover. |
14 |
Buccaneers
|
Huh?
San Fran? Stop playing. Where are the cameras and the host
with the ugly blazer? |
15 |
Rams
|
I
guess without the other 80% of your offense you would have
to run the ball with the best back from last year's draft,
huh? Either that or you actually had the opportunity to because
that dumb ass "Coach" wasn't there. |
16 |
Redskins
|
The
only positive the Skins could take away from their blanking
in New York last week was that Clinton Portis wasn't given
a chance to try out any more of his new gymnastics moves on
the field. |
17 |
Bears
|
Kyle
Orton will continue to prove me right as long as he plays
mediocre teams like the Lions. I guaran-damn-tee it! |
18 |
Chiefs
|
When's
the last time Dante Hall returned a kick? When's the last
time the Chiefs won a big game for that matter? |
19 |
Raiders
|
If
Oakland had any defense at all, and I mean ANY, they'd be
winning their division, playing in New York and people on
the street would call them Giants. |
20 |
Bills
|
I
never knew to what extent emotion played in the result of
a pro football game. But after witnessing the effects of the
passing of Wellington Mara and the return of Tedy Bruschi,
the only way the Bills could have won against the Pat's last
week was if someone blew up Jim Kelly's house Lethal Weapon
style an hour before kick-off. |
21 |
Dolphins
|
So
now people are beginning to say Ronnie Brown is better than
the Cadillac. This is Auburn all over again. |
22 |
Lions
|
Don't
worry Lion-fan, Jeff the Metrosexual has 12 more game-ending
passes like that before they put Joey Harrington back in. |
23 |
Cardinals
|
Zona's
running game is harder to watch than a CBS primetime sitcom
through the eyes of anyone under 58 years of age. It truly
is must avoid-TV. |
24 |
Titans
|
Look,
if you're gonna have old ass Steve throwing the ball 40 times,
the least you can do is give him some receivers who can do
something with it. |
25 |
Saints
|
Hey,
Joe Horn hasn't had any good end zone celebrations this year.
Too bad, because Joe would never get penalized under my corny
celebration 15-yard penalty. |
26 |
49ers
|
If
you can explain that Tampa Bay game, then be my guest. |
27 |
Jets
|
The
only reason the Jets didn't drop this week is because the
five teams under them are obviously worse than them. I assure
you, having a bye had absolutely nothing to do with it. |
28 |
Ravens
|
Jamal
Lewis is so bad right now, he couldn't run out of an airport
with a kilo of coke even if you gave him a seven foot lane
opened up by Zeus & Ogden. He could call someone to do it,
though. |
29 |
Browns
|
I
sooo wanted that 0-16 record for Houston. They better not
finish the season 1-15. I will find a distant aunt from some
Caribbean island and have her put roots on the already cursed
Browns. |
30 |
Vikings
|
The
bad news is Pep is out for the season. The even worse news
is that a Geico commercial punch line couldn't even shed any
light on this terrible team, coach or franchise. |
31 |
Texans
|
I
mean, I REALLLLY wanted to see that 0-16 next to the Texans.
I'm warning you Cleveland, I will have auntie put that shit
on Ozzie Newsome, Jim Brown, Drew Carey and anyone else I
find out was ever affiliated with your city. |
32 |
Packers
|
Yup,
and it's all Brett Favre's fault. |
