FiyaStarter.com - Them Sports Informers

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Miss the only show worth watching on your favorite sports network not ending in Center or Interruption? Don’t fret, THEM ‘FORMERS got that info. and a Fiya anaylsis, of course.

BC-Mess - 10/30/05

THE PANEL
John Saunders
Bob Ryan
Mitch Albom
Mike Lupica

*Note
Since the passing of Ralph Wiley aka Sports Disciple, this program has largely missed a certain Fiya. Bill Rhoden can only do so much, when he's there. We thought long and hard and we’ve decided to officially start the Scoop Jackson watch. He works up this piece now, no excuses. Hell, we’d take Screamin A. Smith, but we already see him 12 hours a week.

**Scoop Watch: Week 27**

. Issue 1: USC's tryna get that third 'ship, but them computers be hatin'.

Beginning the show with what will dominate Sunday morning conversations from here until the first week of January, the panel jumped right into USC and what is baller blockin' them from their third consecutive championship. Lyin' Ass Albom let us know that computers don't watch fourth quarters or the clutch fourth down plays made during them so what can you really expect from a computer generated BCS poll that ranked the Trojans number two last week, despite their 800th consecutive win. Lupica cosigned that sentiment saying you just can't have computers telling you what you saw, even though we do. The sad thing as Saunders put it is that if it all plays out the way it's looking to, Virginia Tech will end up getting royally fucked. Lupica summed up the NCAA's unstated position on the whole matter remarking that whereas the "higher powers" should be cheering for good teams to keep on winning, they really want these unbeaten teams to lose so there won't be anarchy and frowns at the end of the season. Mike is obviously pro-tourney, but Saunders poignantly ended the segment with an example of why the "flawed" Bowl game system might not be so bad. Va. Tech and Miami play possibly the game of the year in the ACC next week, but if there was a playoff tournament, the game would mean little to nothing, because both teams would just be thrown into a playoff round-robin in two months.

. Issue 2: Hey, them White Sox won, you care?

*panel shuts the fuck up because they ridiculed the White Sox for the past two months*

"I admit it, I wrote them off, but.aww fuck it. No one cares,
except miserable Cubs fans." - Ryan

"Really, I mean the teams who tanked; The Yanks, Red Sox and Cardinals
are actually bigger stories than the team who won." - Albom

*Note - Lupica and Saunders are the only ones who had some dame sense and stayed quiet.

. Issue 3: The 4-2 Giants and the 4-2 Skins are good. When this happen?

"With the latest x-ray of Donovan McNabb's back looking like the
last x-ray of Larry Bird's, the team that comes out 5-2 after
this war has a good chance the rest of the way." - Lupica

"Joe Gibbs is makin' people eat some humble pie and wash it down
with an Nascar energy beverage. He's the Ozzie fucking Guillen of
football, making bitches like Ryan bow down." - Lyin' Ass Albom

"Look, to hell with all that, whether or not the Eagles inability to
run will get the quarterback with Larry Bird's back killed will decide
the NFC-East. Those other teams just need to stay close." - Ryan

. Issue 4: THE NBA IS BACK!

"Miami was built to win or crash, this year," Ryan said in disbelief. Albom concurred. He still can't believe that a team that was basically a Wade injury away from beating his beloved Pistons would just dismantle the whole team and bring in two knuckleheads who will without a doubt piss Shaq off sometime before Christmas. Mike thinks Riley set that team up with a few loose screws just so he could fire Van Gundy and take over when they don't take off out of the gate like Smarty Jones before his big glue ass lost. While Mike began to profess his love for Manose Ginobili, Saunders let us know that none of that Miami shit will even matter because the Spurs along with the guy Lupica has a man crush on will win it again.

. Issue 5: Parting Shots

Ryan

Tedy Bruschi is back, this is such a joyous occasion. He's New England's Neo; he'll save us all!

Neo had seven chances to get it right, the Pats don't. For them to turn that sorry ass defense around, they need Neo, Superman, Batman, Underdog and Captain Caveman all in the secondary.

Lupica

Wellington Mara was a great owner. R.I.P. at 89.

I still can't believe a dude so paid making that bread in New York said every team should get equal revenue. In unrelated news, Wellington Mara wasn't Jewish.

Albom

Why is MLB mad about that funny milk commercial that portrays the white stuff as being a performance enhancing product?

I don't know, Mitch, but answer me this; why are you such a pencil neck moron?

Saunders

There's only one Dream Team, but Coach K will at least bring the Gold home with some players that will actually play together as a team.

Well, I wish Coach K and them luck picking that team, because until U.S.A. Basketball comes up off some doe these dudes are not fucking with a shortened summer vacation just to be coached by Satan and be rewarded with a pendant 50% smaller than the ones they can no longer stunt with while David Stern is watching.

. Issue 6: Shit they were scared to mention that Them Informers caught.

Actually, we wouldn't mind seeing Vince Young vs. Marcus Vick.