FiyaStarter.com - Them Sports Informers

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“I was gonna drive around
the corner and get a blow job.”
-Charles Barkley
Drunk ass political hopeful.

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Miss the only show worth watching on your favorite sports network not ending in Center or Interruption? Don’t fret, THEM ‘FORMERS got that info. and a Fiya anaylsis, of course.

Winter Misery - 2/27/06

THE PANEL
Michael Kay
Bill Rhoden
Stephen A. Smith
Mike Lupica

*Note
Since the passing of Ralph Wiley aka Sports Disciple, this program has largely missed a certain Fiya. Bill Rhoden can only do so much, when he's there. We thought long and hard and we’ve decided to officially start the Scoop Jackson watch. He works up this piece now, no excuses. Hell, we’d take Screamin A. Smith, but we already see him 12 hours a week.

**Scoop Watch: Week 42**

• Issue 1: Barry makin ‘em mad, already. How long will he play?

Spring must be upon us, people are scared of Barry already. Michael Kay thinks Barry will play for more than this year. All this retirement talk is just him building drama. Rhoden Dogg doesn’t exactly know that he won’t retire, but if he doesn’t he’s confident that Barry will make white people mad until he does hang them up. Stephen A. doesn’t care either way, he just wants to hook up with his barber before he hits the club later on. Lupica and Kay throw out a few shots at Barry including a lame joke about his upcoming reality show which finally enrages Rhoden who tells them the reality is that Barry is gonna pass Ruth, which is all he and every other black baseball fan in North America wants. After an agitated Kay says something about tainted records, Rhoden dogg asks him “Mike, U mad?”

• Issue 2: Can Riley put the Heat over the top?

Stephen A. who still hasn’t gotten in contact with his barber sure doesn’t think so. He thinks they should have kept last year’s team, but Riley’s ego wouldn’t let that happen, so he traded for Jiggles Walker to drive Stan Van Gundy back to porn. Michael Kay agrees that Riley forced Ron Van Jeremy out, but he believes that Miami still has a chance. Rhoden, still hot off the last segment turns to Kay and matter of factly remarks, “You wanna talk about reality; the reality is they weren’t and aren’t beating Detroit, regardless. Playing with his cell phone, Stephen A. says, “Quite Frankly, I don’t agree with that.”

Oh, everyone knew it was coming.

• Issue 3: Anybody noticed Shaq is still fat?

“Well, have you guys noticed?” – Lupica

“He’s fat?” – Stephen A.

“I’m with Stephen on this one; I haven’t noticed he has a weight problem?
And just to be clear, me not noticing the flab has nothing to do with him
not giving reporters quotes when they’ve criticized him in the past.” - Kay

“Y’all must have been out drinking and partying with Bode Miller,
last night. He’s been fatter than the Knicks payroll
going on three years, now.” - Lupica

“Look, he could be fat, skinny, small or tall. They ain’t beating
Detroit now let’s move on.” – Rhoden Dogg

• Issue 4: Them Ice Olympics, what will you remember?

Rhoden says all he’ll remember is them bitches falling on their asses. “They stayed bustin their asses,” says Bill. Kay won’t remember a thing, because he avoided them like the Outbreak plague. Stephen A. who is cursing some dude out on his phone about his haircut appointment is agitated by the whole topic and quickly comments, “Please, you heard Bryant Gumble sum it up.” Rhoden jumps in and says, “Yup, save Shani Davis.” Stephen A. nods and gives Bill a knuckle touch.

• Issue 5: Parting Shots

Kay:
These Olympics ratings are tanking. There’s no science to it really, nobody fuckin’ cares.

To quote Bill Rhoden, “Yup, save Shani Davis.”

Rhoden:
No these mutherfuckers ain’t tryin’ to break down Prince Vince Young a month after he walked on water!

Fuck a wunderlich, what did that test results do for Todd Marinovich and Ryan Leaf? I will smack you in your mouth if I hear you talk about some damn wunderlich in front of me.

Smith:
Have you noticed how worthless a piece of shit Kevin McHale is as Minne GM? His coat hanger assed frame is lucky Kevin Garnett hasn’t choked him out for wasting his career. Instead of helping that boy out, THIS guy spends company time on Lake Minnetonka fishing. KG, you’re a better man – Oh, my barber is downstairs, I’m out y’all.

If this was church, I’d keep a close eye on my nephew around all those peds and drop a healthy donation in Stephen A.’s basket.

Lupica:
“Look, Stephe, the L-U-P is like Audi” - Lupica

“Audi like who” – Stephen A.

“Motherfuckin Kurt Gowdy” – Lupica


Artist: EPMD
Album:  Business As Usual
Song:   Mr. Bozack

• Issue 6: Shit they were scared to mention that Them Informers caught.

Shani!