*Note
Since the passing of Ralph Wiley aka Sports Disciple, this program has largely missed a certain Fiya. Bill Rhoden can only do so much, when he's there. We thought long and hard and we’ve decided to officially start the Scoop Jackson watch. He works up this piece now, no excuses. Hell, we’d take Screamin A. Smith, but we already see him 12 hours a week.

**Scoop Watch: Week 3**

• Issue 2: Van Gundy-Gate update

“What’s in it for Stern to sandbag Yao?” says Lupica; and that’s about all that needs to be said here. Well, actually as Lyin' Ass Albom remarked, “Why would Stern help Cuban,” I closed the chapter on Jeff Van Gundy’s conspiracy theory. It makes less sense than T-Mac’s post game ramble about “being back next year.” It’s your job, no shit. Tell me you’re gonna get out of the first round next year and I’ll consider that news, Tracy. Anyway, the only thing I’m curious about with this situation is how far Stern is willing to go and make his strong arming tactics look serious. Van Gundy challenged that ‘tegrity. That’s fiya. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

• Issue 3: That horse

No one cares about that damn horse. All anyone even knows about this big piece of glue is that he fucked up Steinbrenner’s weekend and his owner is a fan of Sting. Lyin' Ass Albom thinks this is a better story than Seabiscuit. I think this shit isn’t a story at all until the Preakness…we’re moving on.

• Issue 4: Pacers rocked them Celts… Detroit looms.

Ryan says all the Pacers can hope for in this series is one win, while Lyin' Ass Mitch believes they have a real chance to pull it out. Lyin' Ass Mitch is smoking the good stuff, obviously. Lupica fears that this series is David Stern’s worst nightmare. Out of all things on earth including a second Holocaust, this is damn bad. Another brawl between these two teams would be terrible. Everyone on the panel agrees with a straight face. These mofo’s are lying like shit. Another fight would be a journalist’s dream, especially these. I guarantee these same dudes will be watching Rasheed Wallace all series, salivating. We know he’s due.

Oh yeah, Lupica feels Rick Carlisle is the coach of the year… See, this is why Mike used to get his ass beat by the cool kids in school. I'm pretty sure he did.

• Issue 6: Parting Shots

Ryan:
Welp, time to take some shots at Barry Bonds. The way his injuries and surgeries are mounting up, not only is Hank Aaron’s record safe, but so is the drunken Babe. Flaxseed that!

He may be half right, but at the very least, Barry will limp on that field and make white America mad by passing Babe the bottle. Flaxseed or no flaxseed, believe that.

Lupica:
Hey America, wanna hear a Jerry Buss-Shaq Southbeach Diet joke? Nope, too late.

Clever, now somebody give this guy Dane Cook’s number.

Lyin' Ass Albom:
...

Question. Have you ever noticed how big Mitch Albom’s ears are? I couldn’t keep my eyes off them for the whole half hour. They’re like two large raisin scoopers on a 45 degree angle. They’re huge! He tries to hide them with that big ass mane. Umm, he didn’t have shit to say. He was talking about Kendrick friggin’ Perkins.

John Saunders:
Hey, I'm John Saunders! I haven't said shit all show. Guess what? I'm still getting that check. Guess what else? I'm about to earn it all with my parting shot 'cause I own this portion of the show... Here's a chronicle of John Rocker’s fall from the little bit of grace he had; The man who once said he hated New York, now stinks it up on the mound for a minor league team in Strong Island. That being said, Rocker is still amusing. Some fan was killing him from the stands during a game and he turned around and said “So, I’m still a millionaire.”

That shit was tight. Big neck made a funny and Saunder's didn't let the 'Cism or crudeness prevent him from repeating the joke. Still the champ.

• Issue 7: Shit they were scared to mention that Them Informers caught.

Michael freaking Jordan... No really, he's freaking.