*Note
Since the passing of Ralph Wiley aka Sports Disciple, this program has largely missed a certain Fiya. Bill Rhoden can only do so much, when he's there. We thought long and hard and we’ve decided to officially start the Scoop Jackson watch. He works up this piece now, no excuses. Hell, we’d take Screamin A. Smith, but we already see him 12 hours a week.

**Scoop Watch: Week 6**

*Ryan smiles, looking like a Ted Turner impersonator*

• Issue 2: Mr. Roper is leaving the company; has this affected the Pistons?

Lyin’ Ass Mitch Albom thinks it did early on in the series, but the Pistons have refocused because they’re the champs, and… yeah, yeah, Mitch. We know you cover them. Hold the fuck up, Lupica just tried to blame Mr. Roper interviewing for another job on Joe Dumars. How, what the… See this is that bullshit. Roper makes a move to preempt his regularly scheduled program and Mr. Fuckin' Ferley gets blamed for it? Boy, if you’re black, they will find a way to pin it on you, won’t they? I’m disgusted, we're moving on.

• Issue 3: Baseball got dat parody. It’s crazy!

In regards to this and the past couple crazy baseball seasons where teams have come out of nowhere to contend, it’s Lupica’s opinion that the salary cap (Yankees excluded, of course) is the reason. Lyin’ Ass Albom expands on Lupica’s point and says it has everything to do with free agency. Just look at Randy Johnson and Schilling. They were teammates just a few years ago in Arizona and now they’re in a different league playing for two new teams. They about they fetti, clearly. Ryan agrees and blames it on general managers making right ass and wrong ass guesses with millions of dollars. Examples? How about Miguel Tejada and Jason Giambi.

• Issue 4: Shaq or Duncan, who would you pick in this weekly, daily, hourly posed question?

Lyin’ Ass Mitch takes Shaq. According to him, what other proof do you need besides the way Shaq has had his way with the defensive player of the year, thus far, in the Eastern Conference Finals? Nevermind that dude is 5-feet shorter than him and is still getting more rebounds per game… ahem. Lupica and Ryan cast their ballots for “The Big Fundamental.”

*sigh*

Ok, here we go. If you’re viewing this with any white people around, take a second and make them read the following; IT’S "BIG FUNDAMENTALS," GODDAMNIT! STOP FUCKING UP OUR SLANG. I HAVEN’T BEEN ABLE TO WATCH EDDIE MURPHY - RAW SINCE THE WEEK IT CAME OUT BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT. Y’ALL BE DESTROYING OUR SHIT MAKING IT SOUND WACK! STOP IT! Sorry, but this has been brewing for like four years. Say it out loud, it’s “Big Fundamentals,” Shaq called Duncan “Big Fundamentals.” It was at an All-Star game a few years back in which Shaq was disgusted on the bench watching Timmy D execute one of his Dr. Roboto bank shots on the wing from 18. “Look, it’s Big Fundamentals.” I mean, you guys had the tape of it and still mangled it. How? Get it right. I know you’re not going to stop sharking our shit, but damn, stop being white and get it right!

fin.

• Issue 6: Parting Shots

Ryan:
The NBA game is an annoying experience. The noise, the big screen, the pageantry; it’s all unnecessary. Basketball is the reason people come to the games, not the sideshow.

Point taken, Bob. Let’s just get a peach basket and keep it real on these mofo’s for your sake.

Lupica:
Nike stopped paying Giambi to support his muscle habit. What the fuck took them so long?

Better yet, what's taking Steinbrenner so long?

Lyin’ Ass Albom:
Cinderella Man is nothing like Mike Tyson’s life, but it’s similar in a lot of ways.

Leave the movie correlations to Reggie Eggert, you’re not very good at it, Lyin’ Ass.

Saunders:
Remember hockey? Me either… anyway, I was bored the other day and ended up watching NASCAR. They be fighting like shit. I wasn’t that interested but I didn’t turn. A nigga could actually get into this as long as them fists are involved. I wonder if this is how the other 80 billion people who watch this shit every week got hooked…

Hooked like a left turn, John?...I'm Sorry.