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Miss the only show worth watching on your favorite sports network not ending in Center or Interruption? Don’t fret, THEM ‘FORMERS got that info. and a Fiya anaylsis, of course.


Tiger NoCare - 8/21/05

THE PANEL
John Saunders
Bob Ryan
Mike Lupica

Bill Rhoden

*Note
Since the passing of Ralph Wiley aka Sports Disciple, this program has largely missed a certain Fiya. Bill Rhoden can only do so much, when he's there. We thought long and hard and we’ve decided to officially start the Scoop Jackson watch. He works up this piece now, no excuses. Hell, we’d take Screamin A. Smith, but we already see him 12 hours a week.

**Scoop Watch: Week 17**


• Issue 1: 23 year-old 49er OL Thomas Herrion died almost four years to the day Corey Stringer passed.

Rhoden Dogg thinks the size of offensive linemen needs to be looked into. They’re simply too big. Lupica says he shocked it doesn’t happen more often because of the emphasis that is put on size these days. Mike kinda put out there what everyone was thinking; that he hopes Herrion had some type of undetected heart ailment…because this would be a disaster for football and a shame for this kid’s family. Something is going on and the NFL is in denial if they think cheeseburgers are making these guys this big. Ryan just thinks offensive lineman are big fat guys and until the league makes them get in shape, we can expect to see more people fall out. Then he threw out the fact that the average weight of a Greenbay Packer lineman when they won their first Super Bowl was 244 pounds...like anybody gives a fuck about what happened in 1920.

• Issue 2: Tiger left a tournament when he was the leader, what’s that all about?

“He’s got Phil on the brain.” - Lupica

*Lupica pops his collar*

“This is deplorable, unfathomable, and improbable. He’s disgraced the sport
and himself. Tiger’s no Nicholas, nor Palmer...Phil has two majors!” – Ryan

*Ryan pop-locks*

“NOPE, Tiger had his reasoning. This wasn’t no major, therefore
it ain’t major. Get it bitches? – Rhoden Dogg

“C’mon Bill admit it, this is just as bad as
anything Moss or T.O. have done.” – Lupica

“Nope.” – Rhoden Dogg

“C’mon Bill, this is gonna smear his legacy and I’m gonna
do my best to make sure it happens.” – Ryan

“He’s black, you’ll fail.” – Rhoden Dogg

• Issue 3: Curt Schilling hasn’t been able to pitch one good inning the past couple weeks, how the hell is he gonna be a starter now and pitch seven?

Even Ryan’s Beantown homering ass has to acknowledge conservative Curt stinks right now. He finishes games so poorly he could be a Met. Of course Ryan still believes in him. Lupica surprisingly agrees with Ryan. He thinks even though Curt was a mediocre closer, he actually helped them win, which makes no fucking sense and so makes perfect sense since it came from Mike (follow that?). Rhoden believes Curt will be fine right now if for no other reason, this is where he shines best; in the big moments where games mean something.

"Enough about my sorry Sox...hey, Scott Rolen is hurt, but the
Cardinals still have Chris Carpenter, so they'll be fine." - Ryan

*panel looks at this dumb bitch like the dumb bitch he is*


• Issue 4: Parting Shots

Ryan
The NCAA was having problems with the NIT, so they just bought that shit. So now they’ve dropped $56 mil for something and don’t know what to do with it, kinda sounds like a dumb ass President invading a country then not knowing what the fuck to do with it after three plus years…

Bob, that was dead on like a scud missile, and you actually had a REASON.

Lupica
The Mets be fuckin’ up and their clubhouse is like Final Destination every week, but Willie Randolph has kept them in this Wildcard hunt. This black man is willing this sorry ass team to the brink of averageness.

They will most certainly find a way to fuck it up. If nothing else Looper will make sure of that. He could have an 8-run lead in the ninth and fuck it up. Oh wait, he just did that last night, let's make that 12 runs..

Rhoden

Ain’t it funny how much of a joke Pete Carroll was a couple years ago after his NFL tenure ended in flames. Now this guy can’t fucking lose whether or not his two best players decide to skip campus for a pay day every year. Pete is no longer a loser. You go boy.

Remember when Carroll coached the Pats or Jets? You don't? Pete thanks God every night most people don't.

Saunders
Even baseball purists have to agree that the Wildcard is good for for the sport. Too bad one of these National League teams that are battling for it can’t take the place of the National League West winner. It’s the worst division in baseball history. They need to find a way to let the Mets with Looper closing take their place in the post season.

Without Looper I think you had a chance, John.


• Issue 5: Shit they were scared to mention that Them Informers caught.

Tito here seems much cooler than Jeff Garcia

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